ParentDevotional

Zoom Out

2010-02-25T15:16:00.001-05:00

Contents

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Learn Their Lingo
3. Links to Learn From
4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

Zoom Out

We spend a lot of time with our kids helping them to do their best in the day to day—helping them do well with this semester’s grades, this season’s sports, this week’s behavioral challenges. We want them to succeed now and to learn the skills for succeeding later.

When they get into high school, we start to help them begin to think about what they might do with their lives. The big decisions are the same ones we faced: college, relationships, majors, marriage, and “the future.”

This week, though, we’re encouraging conversations about an even bigger view of life, zooming the map even further out to talk about our big “P” purposes as followers of Christ. Wherever they go, whatever they do with their lives, we can help them now to begin to see how their small existence is super-powered by God’s Spirit to fit into in His big plans for the universe.

We’ll be pulling our talking points from Acts 1:1-11, where the disciples heard the resurrected Jesus’ cryptic words about power and purpose then watched Him leave the scene as they tried to figure out what He wanted from them next.

Talking Points

* If you think of your life like an online map zoomed all the way in, what is going on with you right this second? What’s the most immediate thing you are going to do next?

* If you zoom out a little, what would you say are the three most important things you need to do this week?

* Zoom out a little more. What are your three biggest goals for this semester or year?

* Zoom out quite a bit more. Any idea what you’ll do with the rest of your life? Who you’ll marry? Where you’ll live? [Parent: Encourage your child to be okay with NOT knowing the answers to these questions at their age. What fun would that be?]

* Okay, now, zoom the map of your life all the way out. What would you say are your most important purposes in life as a follower of Jesus? Whatever you do, wherever you go, what do you think God wants from you overall? [Parent: There might not be one, stock answer to this question; let this be a great conversation. Let the question linger as you talk about different ideas that might include loving God with all we’ve got, witnessing about Jesus to others, using our spiritual gifts to serve the church, or even just being faithful to Him in the next step we take.]

* Forty days after Jesus died on the cross and was resurrected, He disappeared into the sky and left His disciples on earth with two instructions: “Wait for power” and then “be my witnesses.”

* As a Christian, do you think of yourself as having real power through God’s Holy Spirit to do whatever He wants you to do with your life? If so, what have you used that power for so far? [Parent: This could be a hard question, but don’t let it go too quickly. We need God’s power to do anything truly worth doing with our lives. That includes obeying and honoring parents, talking to God and understanding His Word, serving other Christians, and representing Him to unbelievers.]

* Do you believe that God has asked you to be a witness for Christ in your world? If so, how have you done that or how do you see yourself doing that in the future?

* How do we as a family witness for Christ? How could we do that better?

* Do you have to become a professional Christian like a missionary or pastor to be a witness for Christ wherever you go? Who are some of the best witnesses for the power of Christ that you have seen? How do they do that?

* Is representing Christ in your life no matter what you do, where you go, or who you marry a good purpose for your life? Can you imagine yourself doing that as you get older and go through different stages of your life? Why or why not?

* Now zoom back in slowly on the map of your life. As your get closer and closer to this year, this month, this day, do you see any new ways you can be a witness for Christ in your life? How could you—how could we as a family—do a better job at making that our purpose . . . on purpose?
Let’s help our kids to pull back from the moment right in front of them to think about their big “P” purposes as a follower of Christ—no matter where they go to school, what jobs they hold, or who they…

Featured Resource: Boundaries with Teens
In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries�the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.
http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/boundaries_with_teens/

2. Learn Their Lingo
Cow-Mo = Cow-Mo is a subgenre of country music that is a mix of country and emo.

Noted = A reply posted when someone puts a status on facebook, myspace, etc. Sarcastically shows that you care, and are going to write the status down in a notebook, when you really don't care at all about the status.

3. Links to Learn From

Cortisol directly related to obesity in girls only
http://www.examiner.com/x-6180-Birmingham-Science-News-Examiner~y2010m2d24-Cortisol-directly-related-to-obesity-in-girls-only

Millenials: Confident. Connected. Open to Change.
http://pewsocialtrends.org/pubs/751/millennials-confident-connected-open-to-change

Teacher Tackles Shooter in Littleton School Shooting
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/top/all/6882913.html

4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

- Evan Esar

Big Grace

2009-12-09T09:24:00.000-05:00

Tools for Parenting Teens
Learn Their Lingo
Links to Learn From
A Little Encouragement...And Humor

1. Tools for Parenting Teens

From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

Big Grace

One of the challenges of parenting for Christians is that we want our kids to be as excited about God’s unbelievable grace and forgiveness as we are—but we still want them to perform. We pray they’ll be absolutely convinced that…
Read More:
http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/article/big_grace/

Featured Resource: Boundaries with Teens

In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.
http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/boundaries_with_teens/

2. Learn Their Lingo

Automagically = something that happens automatically, but that also has some mysterious, "magical" element to it. "Smart" appliances, features, etc. that do intelligent things with less help than you might expect
Mantrum = when a grown man throws a tantrum when he can't have his way

3. Links to Learn From

Fort Hood Shooting: Five tips to help parents talk to their kids about violence in the news
http://www.examiner.com/x-14708-Toddlers-to-Teens-Examiner~y2009m11d6-Fort-Hood-Shooting-Five-tips-to-help-parents-talk-to-their-kids-about-violence-in-the-news
Teenage pregnancy does not discriminate
http://www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=861929&category=OPINION
Hunger in America: Half of Our Kids on Food Stamps
http://chattahbox.com/us/2009/11/03/hunger-in-america-half-of-our-kids-on-food-stamps/

4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

When God Changes The Plan

2009-11-19T14:15:00.000-05:00

Contents

1.Tools for Parenting Teens
2.Learn Their Lingo
3.Links to Learn From
4.A Little Encouragement...And Humor
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/
When God Changes the Plan

Does your family live and die by a schedule or is constant, spontaneous change of direction the norm in your household? Both approaches to life offer advantages and disadvantages and reflect our own personalities as parents.

And depending on the personality of our kids, they may feel frustrated and insecure by even slight changes in the expected routine—or bored nearly to death by a rigid commitment not to violate the communicated schedule.

Whatever we personally feel more comfortable with, part of maturing as a Christian involves growing in our ability to trust God when He steps in and changes our plans. We hope to equip our kids with the tools to begin to do so, as well.

We’re pulling our talking points this week from Mark 6:30-44. Jesus and the disciples had a very reasonable plan to go off by themselves and get some rest. Instead, they ended up in another marathon ministry session that led to a food crisis and what felt like unreasonable expectations from Jesus to fix it.

You know the story of the feeding of the 5,000. We hope a few of these questions will help you to talk with your kids about that story—and how to expect God to always give us the resources we need to do what He asks even when it is unexpected.

Talking Points

•Which do you feel most comfortable with—having a set schedule where you know what to expect or being spontaneous and changing plans as you go along? Why do you prefer one or the other?

•How do you think our family tends to operate—mostly according to plan or mostly changing the plan as we go along? Do you like the way we tend to operate or does it sometimes frustrate you?

•Do you think one approach is necessarily better than the other or is it mostly about personality and what each of us prefers?

•Sometimes we have plans to do things—good things—and then they get changed by circumstances beyond our control. How frustrating is that for you? Can you think of a time recently when that happened?

•Do you ever wonder if God is involved in changing those plans for us? Can you think of reasons He would step in and redirect us from what we set out to do?

•Mark 6 tells a story about Jesus and the disciples when they had a plan to go off to a quiet place by themselves and get some rest. Instead, the crowds of people found them and Jesus decided to change the plan and keep teaching. How would you have felt about this, do you think, if you were one of the tired disciples?

•Can you think of times when we changed our plans as a family to help someone in need? How did you feel about that at the time?

•The spontaneous change of plans created a problem. People were hungry and there wasn’t much food nearby. Can you think of a time when an unexpected change of plan caused a problem for our family that needed fixing?

•How do we usually think about those kinds of problems—as a hassle or as an opportunity to see how God will help us fix it?

•The disciples came up with a good plan to fix the problem: Send the people away to go get themselves some food. Instead, Jesus asked the disciples to feed the people with almost no food. Does that command sound unreasonable to you?

•It would have been understandable for the disciples to have a bad attitude about Jesus asking them to do an impossible thing—especially at the end of day when all of their plans had been changed. Do you think that would have made it okay to have a bad attitude about it?

•What would the disciples have missed out on if they had refused to participate because of their disappointment, tiredness, and sense of unfair treatment? [Parent: Emphasize that the disciples would have missed out on seeing God do something truly miraculous right in front of their eyes.]

•God is always working, even in our ordinary everyday lives. Will we miss noticing what He’s up to if we can’t “handle” an unexpected change of plans and the new problems it might create?

•What can we do as a family to avoid getting negative and to help each other look for what God is up to when our plans get changed?

Daily Prayer

Ask God to help your child to respond with compassion and servanthood to the needs of others. (See Mark 6:34.)

Featured Resource: Boundaries with Teens
In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.
http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/boundaries_with_teens/
2. Learn Their Lingo

Automagically = something that happens automatically, but that also has some mysterious, "magical" element to it. "Smart" appliances, features, etc. that do intelligent things with less help than you might expect

Mantrum = when a grown man throws a tantrum when he can't have his way

3. Links to Learn From

Fort Hood Shooting: Five tips to help parents talk to their kids about violence in the news
http://www.examiner.com/x-14708-Toddlers-to-Teens-Examiner~y2009m11d6-Fort-Hood-Shooting-Five-tips-to-help-parents-talk-to-their-kids-about-violence-in-the-news

Teenage pregnancy does not discriminate
http://www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=861929&category=OPINION
Hunger in America: Half of Our Kids on Food Stamps

http://chattahbox.com/us/2009/11/03/hunger-in-america-half-of-our-kids-on-food-stamps/

4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Talk About Praise

2009-11-12T16:14:00.000-05:00

Contents

1.Tools for Parenting Teens
2.Learn Their Lingo
3.Links to Learn From
4.A Little Encouragement...And Humor

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

Talk About Praise

You likely experience praising God together with your family regularly at church. But how often do you talk about that experience? Why do we do it? Why does God care? What does it do for us and for Him?

I was reminded at church this week that so much of our education about who God is and what matters to Him comes during times of singing praise and worship songs in church. The mom sitting in the row behind me was telling her curious pre-schooler the name of each song and a line about what it meant: “God’s love is big!”

I grew up singing hymns and praise songs in church from before I could talk. I eventually realized as a young teen that some of the songs I’d been singing my whole life didn’t make sense to me. But the more I learned about the Bible, the more I understood how those words I’d been singing fit into everything I believed. The songs started to matter more.

We’re pulling our talking points about praising God from Psalm 66 this week. We hope a few of questions below might help you to have a productive conversation with your child about how we praise God and why it matters.

Talking Points

•Do you enjoy our time of singing praise and worship songs together as a church? Why or why not?

•What do you like most about it?

•What do you like least about it, if anything?

•What are a few of your favorite songs that we sing?

•What do you think singing those praise and worship songs does for us as Christians? How does it help us in our relationship with God? How does it help us to live better for Him or closer to Him? [Parent: Emphasize that we are commanded to praise God and that doing so helps us to draw closer to Him. It also reminds us of what is “real,” that He is God and every good thing comes from Him.]

•Do you think our singing of worship and praise songs does anything for God? Does He benefit from our sincere worship and praise? [Parent: Emphasize that yes, God cares about and responds to our worship. Some Bible verses you could look at together include James 4:8; Psalm 22:3; Psalm 103:2; Hebrews 11:6.]

•When David praises God in the Psalms, he often talks about shouting and being loud. Do you think we’re loud enough when we praise God together at church? Why or why not? What’s the point of being loud? [Parent: See Psalm 66:1-2.]

•In the Psalms, David often praises God for specific things about God that are great, like His power or mercy. What are some other great things about God we can praise Him for?

•Another thing David does in the Psalms is that he notices and describes great things God has done for him or Israel—and then David brings those things up again and again to talk about how good God is. What are some great things God has done for our family that we can remember and talk about when we praise Him?

•In the middle of praising God for the good things He has done for Israel in Psalm 66, David mentions that God tested them, “brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs” and then “brought us into a place of abundance.” Why do you think David would praise God for taking his people into and out of a terrible time? [Parent: God’s grace to us includes using the hard times in our lives to bring us closer to Him—and He deserves our praise for that, too.]

•Of course we can praise God silently in our hearts and minds as an act of personal worship. But Psalms 66 encourages us to praise God out loud to each other. Why do you think that matters? [Parent: Emphasize that praising God to each other encourages us all to praise Him more.]

Daily Prayer
Ask God to help your child to keep remembering the works He has done on their behalf and to keep rejoicing in Him. (See Psalm 66:5-6.)
Featured Resource: Boundaries with Teens

In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.
http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/boundaries_with_teens/

2. Learn Their Lingo

Automagically = something that happens automatically, but that also has some mysterious, "magical" element to it. "Smart" appliances, features, etc. that do intelligent things with less help than you might expect.

Mantrum = when a grown man throws a tantrum when he can't have his way.

3. Links to Learn From

Fort Hood Shooting: Five tips to help parents talk to their kids about violence in the news
http://www.examiner.com/x-14708-Toddlers-to-Teens-Examiner~y2009m11d6-Fort-Hood-Shooting-Five-tips-to-help-parents-talk-to-their-kids-about-violence-in-the-news

Teenage pregnancy does not discriminate
http://www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=861929&category=OPINION

Hunger in America: Half of Our Kids on Food Stamps
http://chattahbox.com/us/2009/11/03/hunger-in-america-half-of-our-kids-on-food-stamps/

4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

What are you going to be?

2009-10-28T11:26:00.000-04:00

Contents

1.Tools for Parenting Teens
2.Learn Their Lingo
3.Links to Learn From
4.A Little Encouragement...And Humor
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

What Are You Going to Be?

However your family responds to the cultural event that is Halloween, younger kids will be hearing the question all week long this week: “What are you going to be?”

Kids old enough to choose seem to pick costumes based on one of three factors. Either they want something scary. Or they want something funny. Or—more often for younger kids—they want to dress up like one of their role models or dream roles.

Athletes. Fire fighters. Princesses. Fictional heroes or villains. They want to inhabit the person or persona they dream of becoming—even if that role model changes several times each day.

In a way, the Bible encourages this kind of lifestyle role playing. The essence of Christianity is that we are growing to become like Jesus, we are to put on His qualities because we are becoming Him.

But Paul also told his readers to imitate his own life in their beliefs and choices. And at the end of Colossians 4, he presented his entourage, naming eight or so of the guys who were with him in ministry to hold them up as role models of faithful service to Christ.

Our prayer as parents isn’t just that our kids won’t take off after unworthy role models, but that they will get attached to the good ones—and that’s what we’re looking for a chance to talk to them about this week.

Talking Points

•When you were younger, who were some of your biggest heroes? Was there anyone you really liked to dress up as and pretend to be for a while?

•Who would you say are your role models or heroes right now? Who are some of the people you know—or people you don’t know—that seem to have the life you’d really like to have someday? [Parent: This would be a great time to talk about some of the heroes and role models you had when you were younger.]

•How do you think most people choose their role models? What really attracts us to want to be like someone?

•Take your top two or three favorite role models or people or personalities: What do you like best about them? What qualities do they have that you would like to get better at in your own life?

•Have you noticed with your friends that role models can sometimes have a bad influence on people? How could a role model become a negative in a person’s life?

•Philippians 2 tells us to take on the heart and mind of Jesus. Paul wrote that his readers should try to imitate the way he followed Jesus. And Peter told younger Christians to learn from older mentors. Who in your life that you know personally might count as a mentor or a role model?

•What about that person do you find interesting or challenging or attractive? What qualities do they have that you hope to have one day?

•Who are some people you know—even if you’ve just met them once or twice—who seem to have a really genuine faith in Jesus that shows up in their lives in a real, meaningful, and attractive way?

•Can you separate what you take away from role models into different categories? Can you study the life of a good athlete to learn how to get better at that sport and also study the life of a good Christian mentor to learn how to get better at following Christ?

•What are the down sides of getting too attached to one person or another as a role model? [Parent: Emphasize that all people make mistakes, that if we’re most concerned with following people we can end up following them off the path of Jesus.]

•What is the advantage to finding successful people in our lives to use as a pattern for making good choices? [Parent: Emphasize that if our main goal is to follow Jesus, good role models can help us learn the everyday skills involved in following Him.]

Daily Prayer

Ask God to convict your child of any outstanding sin they have committed against another person and to give them the courage, humility, and opportunity to make it right. (See Colossians 4:9.)

Featured Resource: Boundaries with Teens
In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.
http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/boundaries_with_teens/
2. Learn Their Lingo
Last Texter = That friend that always sends you a meaningless text after the obvious end of a text conversation, just to get the last text.

KPC = Text shorthand meaning "keep parents clueless."

3. Links to Learn From
Up Close & Personal with Lisa T. Bergren
http://www.christianitytoday.com/momsense/2009/sepoct/upcloseandpersonal-lisatbergren.html

Study Reveals More Details About The iPhone Mom
http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/10/26/study-reveals-more-details-about-behavior-of-the-iphone-mom/

“Say Aah” …and, “What’s in Your iPod?”
http://www.thesource4ym.com/youthculturewindow/article.asp?id=99

4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us.
- Thomas Paine

The Foolish Joy of Mocking

2009-10-20T16:18:00.000-04:00

Contents

1.Tools for Parenting Teens
2.Learn Their Lingo
3.Links to Learn From
4.A Little Encouragement...And Humor

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

The Foolish Joy of Mocking

See these verses from Psalms and Proverbs to understand a little more about the Bible’s perspective on “mocking.” As you read, remember that “mocking” in Scripture means more than just teasing or mimicking others. Mocking is a habit of regularly putting down people and ideas, including God and the things of God.

Many students fall into the habit of mocking as a way for covering up their own insecurity. Afraid of looking stupid, some will mock others before they can become the victim. Eventually, the habit can become a lifestyle.
•Psalm 1:1
•Proverbs 1:20, 22
•Proverbs 9:8
•Proverbs 15:12
•Proverbs 9:12
•Proverbs 21:24

Talking Points

•Do you know people who seem to put others down all the time? Are they funny? Are they well liked?

•What would you say is the difference between occasional teasing for fun-and regularly putting people down (even if it’s really funny)?

•What does the word “mocking” mean to you?

•Is it wrong to make fun of people or ideas (if it’s more than just kidding around)? Can kidding around in a mocking way sometimes hurt someone’s feelings?

•Have you ever thought of mocking or even really good put-downs as a kind of pride? How is mocking the opposite of being humble?

•Do you know people who seem to be able to get everyone in arguments with each other? Is it easier when that person isn’t around?

•Do you think mocking others is wise or foolish?

•How can we work at not making a habit out of mocking?

Daily Prayer

Ask God to help your child to grow wise in exercising self-control. (See Proverbs 25:28)

Featured Resource: Boundaries with Teens

In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.
http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/boundaries_with_teens/

2. Learn Their Lingo

GMAS = Acronym for give me a second.

Caraoke = Singing along with music in a car, especially loudly and passionately.

4. Links to Learn From

140 Characters of Parenting Insight [YS Blog]
http://www.youthspecialties.com/blog/2009/140-characters-of-parenting-insight-2/
Teen Sex Escalation [The Source for Youth Ministry]
http://www.thesource4ym.com/youthculturewindow/article.asp?id=96

While Adolescents May Reason As Well As Adults, Their Emotional Maturity Lags…[Science Daily]
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/10/091007153745.htm

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

One Way or the Other

2009-09-29T15:43:00.000-04:00

Contents

1.Tools for Parenting Teens
2.Learn Their Lingo
3.Movie Reviews
4.Links to Learn From
5.A Little Encouragement...And Humor

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

One Way or the Other

Like all of us when faced with options, kids will often try to find a way to have the best of all possible worlds. “Yes, I want A and then I want B. What do you mean I have to choose? Let’s just do it all.”

Sounds familiar? It’s a human trait and one teens, especially, are encouraged to indulge when it comes to making commitments. The only way to make everyone happy, to not miss out anything good, is to say yes to everything.

In addition to creating stress for kids and parents alike, this approach to life becomes impossible on a spiritual level when the choices we face are to maintain our commitment to Christ or to live in rebellion to the Word of God. We all attempt it, sometimes, but busy students can become expert at compartmentalizing rebellion and worship, disobedience and devotion.

In one sphere, they can seem to truly understand and enjoy serving God and talking about their faith in Him and then flip the switch when it’s time to “stand in the seat of scorners” with friends on a different path, friends not interested in the way of Christ.

We’re drawing our conversation points this week from Psalm 1, where David makes clear that we can’t walk both paths at the same time. Not only can we not fool God about our false sincerity, we will miss the physical and emotional blessings that come with faithful commitment to Him.

The big idea is this: Our happiness—or blessedness—is found in choosing God’s way. We hope a few of these questions might help you talk about that idea with your kids.

Talking Points
•When is it hardest for you to choose between two different options? Would you say you make decisions pretty quickly or do you feel like you really have to weigh all of the options to figure out the best thing?

•Is it easier sometimes not to choose—just to do everything or do nothing to skip having to make a decision? How does that usually work out?

•What kinds of things would you say make you feel the happiest in your life? What kinds of choices cause you to feel the least happy?

•One definition of the word “blessed” in Psalm 1:1 is “happy.” It says blessing comes to the person who makes a choice NOT to walk, stand, or sit with people who are disobeying or rejecting God. Can you think of any people or groups of people in your life really known for disobeying or rejecting God?

•What do imagine would be the consequences of hanging out with that group of people, of doing what they do and thinking the way they think? What impact do you think that would have on your sense of being blessed or happy?

•Have you noticed any of your friends that seem to try to avoid deciding between following Jesus and being accepted by a group of friends who don’t honor God? What are the consequences of trying to belong in both of those worlds at the same time?

•Is it easier to just kind of go along with whatever group you’re with? Why or why not?

•David describes in Psalm 1 some of the ways that God provides for those who choose to walk in His way. One benefit is that God provides for His children in all kinds of different ways. What are some of the ways that God provides for you?

•Do you ever think of yourself as being delighted or excited about God’s Word? Once sign of being excited about the Bible is to spend time thinking about it. Is there anything we can do to get more excited about what God tells us in the Bible? What would be the benefits of enjoying God’s Word instead of just having to study it like a textbook?

•According to Psalm 1, one consequence for people who reject God completely is that they get “blown away” like bits of plants that have no roots. What are your roots connected to, spiritually speaking? What keeps you connected to God?

•What do you have to offer friends and family members who seem to be rejecting God? What do they have to offer you?

Daily Prayer
Ask God to help your child to refuse to walk in the counsel of the wicked. (See Psalm 1:1.)

Featured Resource: Sacred Parenting
Explore the spiritual dynamics of parenting, and why caring for children is such an effective discipline in shaping our souls and forming the character of Christ within us.
http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/sacred_parenting/

2. Learn Their Lingo
Frenemy = An enemy disguised as a friend.

Kind of a big deal = A term for a person who is facetiously joking about how important/cool/awesome they are.

3. Movie Reviews for Parents
Fame
Thirty years ago, the original “Fame” was built on the idea that talented kids could take their shot at glory by working with everything they…
Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/fame/
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Based on the popular kids’ book, the movie version is a very different experience from that charming story. Wildly inventive, colorful and funny, it will…
Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/cloudy_with_a_chance_of_meatballs/

4. Links to Learn From
Smacking Makes Children Naughtier [Telegraph U.K.]
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/6188692/Smacking-makes-children-naughtier-research.html

Reading and Writing Must Be a Priority [SmartBrief.com]
http://www.smartbrief.com/news/ascd/storyDetails.jsp?issueid=1EFBA3A0-48F5-4FAF-9FA2-7968350229B3©id=6DE78BF4-3E0C-44B9-AC50-91CE01674BBD

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

Where there is love, there is pain.

- Spanish Proverb

Are Teens Too Sleepy?

2009-09-22T11:53:00.000-04:00

Are Teens Too Sleepy?

Mark tweeted on this fascinating article by Maria Christensen in Seattle about teens, sleep, and school start times suggesting students would do better in school and life if we’d just let them stay in the sack until, oh, 9 a.m. or so. Here’s the key quote:

What this means for teens in terms of school is that teenagers are getting up earlier than biology would dictate in order to get to school on time, and that is having a major affect on their lives. Mary Carskadon, professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University and director of chronobiology and sleep research at E.P. Bradley Hospital in Providence, R.I., notes in an interview with Frontline that “teenagers are really put in a kind of a gray cloud when they aren’t having enough sleep. It affects both their mood and their ability to think and their ability to perform and react appropriately. So we have kids out there who struggle to stay awake while driving, who could do better at sports if they could react more quickly, who are feeling blue and having trouble getting along with the adults in their environment, and also who are struggling to learn in the classroom.”

This stands in stark contrast to the conventional wisdom most parents of teens would like to apply to their kids from Proverbs 6:9: “How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep?”

But maybe we need to give a little more grace about the classic late night/early morning power struggle. Personally, my small Christian high school didn’t start classes until 8:45 a.m. back in the day—and that was enough to convince me of the value of staying away from the public school option that started classes before 7:30 a.m. (I’m sure my parents based their decision on more profound considerations.)

What’s your approach to getting them up in the morning? Does your school day start too early? Too late? Too groggy? What does wisdom have to say to your student about going to bed and getting up “in the way they should go”?

Daily Prayer

Ask God to help your family with proper balance and rest.

When God Waits

2009-09-22T11:27:00.000-04:00

Contents
1.Tools for Parenting Teens
2.Learn Their Lingo
3.Movie Reviews
4.Links to Learn From
5.A Little Encouragement...And Humor
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

When God Waits

One of the most difficult questions for Christian parents to answer is, “Why did God let this happen?” At issue may be the death of a loved one or a pet or any devastating loss deeply felt. If God is good and powerful and loving, why didn’t He step in? Why didn’t He stop it?
It can be a faith-challenging question for all of us. Even the good answers—the right answers—don’t always provide all of the comfort we’re looking for. Still, we know our God is trustworthy and that He truly loves us, and we’d like to communicate that assurance to our kids.

We’re going to approach the question this week from the perspective of John 11 and Jesus’ resurrection of Lazarus from the dead. In that story, Jesus is aware that His good friend is dying and He purposefully takes no action until it is “too late.” Jesus is saddened by the loss—and the pain felt by Mary and Martha—but He is also aware that He is serving a great purpose and the good of all involved by not stopping Lazarus from dying.

We hope a few of the questions below are helpful to you in beginning a conversation with your child about God’s goodness even when He doesn’t act as we expect or in accordance with our wishes. You might find it helpful to read through the story together in John 11:1-44.

[NOTE: This is the first of two parts. We will conclude the talking points about this chapter in next week’s Conversation Starters.]

Talking Points

•Have you ever wondered why God seemed not to answer one of your prayers—or why He said no?

•Why do you think God sometimes says no to requests for things that seem like they would be good for everyone?

•Does the existence of evil or the reality of great suffering ever make you question whether God is reliable? Or good? Or powerful? Or loving?

•Do you think God cares how we feel about His responses to our prayers or our pain?

•How much do you remember about the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead? [Parent: Consider suggesting that the two of you read John 11 together.]

•John 11 tells us that Jesus loved Lazarus and his sisters Mary and Martha. Are you convinced that God loves you? [Parent: Try to reinforce the idea that God proved His love for your child by sending Jesus to die for them, in addition to the many other good gifts He has provided.]

•Jesus got the message from Mary and Martha. He knew Lazarus was sick. How can you be sure that God hears your prayers and knows what’s going on with you? [Parent: You might use Romans 8:26-27 to help answer this question. God’s Spirit communicates to Him perfectly our requests. We can be confident He hears us.]

•Jesus made the choice to wait to go to Lazarus and his sisters until after Lazarus was dead. In your own words, why do you think He did that? [Parent: In John 11, Jesus gives several reasons, including a plan to bring glory to God and to help others believe in God’s power in Him.]

•Do you think Jesus was making a choice between helping the people He cared about and fulfilling His own plans? Why or why not? [Parent: Try to emphasize the idea that God does not have to choose between helping those He loves and accomplishing His plan. You can use Romans 8:28 to show that He does both at the same time, even if His plan for us isn’t the one we would always choose ourselves.]

•Jesus’ disciples didn’t understand why, if Lazarus was already dead, Jesus would risk His life to go to a place where He would likely be killed —but they agreed to go with Him, anyway. How hard is it to trust that God knows what He’s doing when life feels dangerous? What makes it easier to trust Him? [Parent: Think about using John 11:9-10 to show that we are never safer than when walking in the daylight of God’s will—even if it feels really dark from our point of view.]

•Jesus tells the disciples He’s glad He wasn’t there to save Lazarus so they could believe. Is it a weird idea that God might sometimes not answer our prayers in the way we hope in order to help our faith grow? Can you think of an example of that happening in your life? [Parent: It might help for you to think of a time when getting what you wanted would have turned out to be much worse than what God ended up providing.]

•Martha tells Jesus that if He had been there, Lazarus would have lived—but that she also knows God will give Jesus whatever He asks. How can our disappointment with God’s answers to our prayers also be a way of showing that we believe in Him? [Parent: Help explain that our disappointment with God’s choices shows that we believe He is powerful enough to have stepped in and changed our circumstances. Disappointment doesn’t have to be evidence that we don’t trust God.]

•In your own words, how would you describe Jesus’ message of salvation? Now, let’s read how He puts it—and Martha’s statement of Christian belief—John 11:25-27.

•In your own words, how would you say we can know that God loves us and that He is powerful, good, and trustworthy—even when He doesn’t answer our prayers in the way we hope He would?

Daily Prayer

Ask God to help your child to run to Him even with their hardest questions and biggest doubts. (See John 11:28-32.)

Featured Resource: Sacred Parenting
Explore the spiritual dynamics of parenting, and why caring for children is such an effective discipline in shaping our souls and forming the character of Christ within us.
Save 20% off the retail price of “Sacred Parenting” when you use Coupon Code YPN391 and order by 9/30/09
http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/sacred_parenting/

2. Learn Their Lingo

Frenemy = An enemy disguised as a friend.

Kind of a big deal = A term for a person who is facetiously joking about how important/cool/awesome they are.

3. Movie Reviews for Parents

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Based on the popular kids’ book, the movie version is a very different experience from that charming story. Wildly inventive, colorful and funny, it will…
Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/cloudy_with_a_chance_of_meatballs/

I Can Do Bad All By Myself
Tyler Perry has quickly become one of our most successful filmmakers. His usually urban stories lean toward the melodramatic, walking the line between comedy and…
Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/i_can_do_bad_all_by_myself/

4. Links to Learn From

Smacking Makes Children Naughtier [Telegraph U.K.]
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/6188692/Smacking-makes-children-naughtier-research.html

Reading and Writing Must Be a Priority [SmartBrief.com]
http://www.smartbrief.com/news/ascd/storyDetails.jsp?issueid=1EFBA3A0-48F5-4FAF-9FA2-7968350229B3©id=6DE78BF4-3E0C-44B9-AC50-91CE01674BBD

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

Where there is love, there is pain.

- Spanish Proverb

When God Waits

2009-09-15T17:03:00.000-04:00

Contents

1.Tools for Parenting Teens
2.Learn Their Lingo
3.Movie Reviews
4.Links to Learn From
5.A Little Encouragement...And Humor
-------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

When God Waits

One of the most difficult questions for Christian parents to answer is, “Why did God let this happen?” At issue may be the death of a loved one or a pet or any devastating loss deeply felt. If God is good and powerful and loving, why didn’t He step in? Why didn’t He stop it?

It can be a faith-challenging question for all of us. Even the good answers—the right answers—don’t always provide all of the comfort we’re looking for. Still, we know our God is trustworthy and that He truly loves us, and we’d like to communicate that assurance to our kids.

We’re going to approach the question this week from the perspective of John 11 and Jesus’ resurrection of Lazarus from the dead. In that story, Jesus is aware that His good friend is dying and He purposefully takes no action until it is “too late.” Jesus is saddened by the loss—and the pain felt by Mary and Martha—but He is also aware that He is serving a great purpose and the good of all involved by not stopping Lazarus from dying.

We hope a few of the questions below are helpful to you in beginning a conversation with your child about God’s goodness even when He doesn’t act as we expect or in accordance with our wishes. You might find it helpful to read through the story together in John 11:1-44.

[NOTE: This is the first of two parts. We will conclude the talking points about this chapter in next week’s Conversation Starters.]

Talking Points

•Have you ever wondered why God seemed not to answer one of your prayers—or why He said no?

•Why do you think God sometimes says no to requests for things that seem like they would be good for everyone?

•Does the existence of evil or the reality of great suffering ever make you question whether God is reliable? Or good? Or powerful? Or loving?

•Do you think God cares how we feel about His responses to our prayers or our pain?

•How much do you remember about the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead? [Parent: Consider suggesting that the two of you read John 11 together.]

•John 11 tells us that Jesus loved Lazarus and his sisters Mary and Martha. Are you convinced that God loves you? [Parent: Try to reinforce the idea that God proved His love for your child by sending Jesus to die for them, in addition to the many other good gifts He has provided.]

•Jesus got the message from Mary and Martha. He knew Lazarus was sick. How can you be sure that God hears your prayers and knows what’s going on with you? [Parent: You might use Romans 8:26-27 to help answer this question. God’s Spirit communicates to Him perfectly our requests. We can be confident He hears us.]

•Jesus made the choice to wait to go to Lazarus and his sisters until after Lazarus was dead. In your own words, why do you think He did that? [Parent: In John 11, Jesus gives several reasons, including a plan to bring glory to God and to help others believe in God’s power in Him.]

•Do you think Jesus was making a choice between helping the people He cared about and fulfilling His own plans? Why or why not? [Parent: Try to emphasize the idea that God does not have to choose between helping those He loves and accomplishing His plan. You can use Romans 8:28 to show that He does both at the same time, even if His plan for us isn’t the one we would always choose ourselves.]

•Jesus’ disciples didn’t understand why, if Lazarus was already dead, Jesus would risk His life to go to a place where He would likely be killed —but they agreed to go with Him, anyway. How hard is it to trust that God knows what He’s doing when life feels dangerous? What makes it easier to trust Him? [Parent: Think about using John 11:9-10 to show that we are never safer than when walking in the daylight of God’s will—even if it feels really dark from our point of view.]

•Jesus tells the disciples He’s glad He wasn’t there to save Lazarus so they could believe. Is it a weird idea that God might sometimes not answer our prayers in the way we hope in order to help our faith grow? Can you think of an example of that happening in your life? [Parent: It might help for you to think of a time when getting what you wanted would have turned out to be much worse than what God ended up providing.]

•Martha tells Jesus that if He had been there, Lazarus would have lived—but that she also knows God will give Jesus whatever He asks. How can our disappointment with God’s answers to our prayers also be a way of showing that we believe in Him? [Parent: Help explain that our disappointment with God’s choices shows that we believe He is powerful enough to have stepped in and changed our circumstances. Disappointment doesn’t have to be evidence that we don’t trust God.]

•In your own words, how would you describe Jesus’ message of salvation? Now, let’s read how He puts it—and Martha’s statement of Christian belief—John 11:25-27.

•In your own words, how would you say we can know that God loves us and that He is powerful, good, and trustworthy—even when He doesn’t answer our prayers in the way we hope He would?

Daily Prayer

Thank God that your believing child can be called a friend of Jesus. (See John 11:1-3.)

Featured Resource: Sacred Parenting

Explore the spiritual dynamics of parenting, and why caring for children is such an effective discipline in shaping our souls and forming the character of Christ within us.

Save 20% off the retail price of “Sacred Parenting” when you use Coupon Code YPN391 and order by 9/30/09
http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/sacred_parenting/
2. Learn Their Lingo

Afterclap = That last person/people who keep(s) clapping after everyone else has stopped.
mascary = When a person wears a scary amount of mascara

3. Movie Reviews for Parents

9
This dark, post-apocalyptic tale began as an 11-minute short film by a UCLA animation student. The wildly original story is built on a very spiritual…
Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/nine/

All About Steve

In spite of a likable cast, very few recent films have annoyed secular critics as much as “All About Steve.” We can’t disagree. But if…
Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/all_about_steve/

4. Links to Learn From

Girls and Dieting, Then and Now [Wall Street Journal]
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204731804574386822245731710.html

Better News, but Retail Prospects Are Still Dim [New York Times]
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/02/business/economy/02shop.html?_r=1&hp

Survey: Parents overestimate role in teens’ sex education [Austin-American Statesman]
http://www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/local/2009/09/02/0902teensex.html

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Jesus In Their Shoes

2009-09-08T13:43:00.000-04:00

Contents

1.Tools for Parenting Teens
2.Learn Their Lingo
3.Movie Reviews
4.Links to Learn From
5.A Little Encouragement...And Humor

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

Jesus in Their Shoes

We’re continuing the conversation we started last week about what it means for our kids to take on the identity of Jesus Christ in their corner of the world. It’s a big, biblical idea that feels really weird for a few reasons.
For one thing, some of the world’s loudest messages are that we should all become better versions of ourselves. Instead, we’re hoping to help our kids trade themselves in to become more and more like Jesus—to take on His I.D. as their own.
In a sense, we want to help them to imagine how He would live their lives if He was in their shoes. How would He act in their group of friends? How would He handle their part-time job? How would He respond to our own less-than-perfect parenting?
The answers to some of those questions—and how to move ourselves closer to living that way in our own lives—is found in Colossians 3:12-17. That’s where we’re pulling our talking point from this week. Hopefully, a few of these questions will help you and your child to talk through some of these big ideas together.
Talking Points

•How do you think God sees you right now? What do you think He thinks of you?

•Why do you think He feels that way?

•How do you think He sees or thinks about Jesus? Would it surprise you to know that the Father thinks about you in the same way He does Jesus?

•In Colossians 3:12, Paul writes that God sees us as “chosen,” “holy” (set apart for something special), and “dearly loved.” Do you understand why God cares so deeply about you and me?

•What do you think God cares more about—that we stop sinning or that we start doing the good things Jesus would do in our shoes? [Parent: Emphasize that God cares most that we live like Jesus; He’s working right now to make us like Chris in every way.]

•In Colossians 3:13, Paul lists five characteristics Christians should “put on” as we put on clothes. How would you define these five things in your own words: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience? [Parent: Emphasize that each of these five things involves taking our minds off of ourselves and putting them on others.]

•In your own words, how would you describe how God has forgiven you? Did you deserve to be forgiven? Why do you think He forgave you?

•Colossians 3:13 tells us to forgive each other in the same way that God has forgiven us. Do you think we think of ourselves as forgiven people? Why or why not?

•How does thinking of ourselves as forgiven help us to forgive others and be more like Jesus?

•Would you describe our home as a peaceful place? Why or why not?

•Can a person’s life be full of some chaos and confusion while they still have peace in their hearts? Why or why not?

•What do you think it means to “let the peace of Christ rule” in our hearts? (See Colossians 3:15.) How do we let Christ’s peace rule—or keep it from ruling?

•How does peace come about when two groups are at war? How do we surrender ourselves to God and to each other to create peace?

•What would be the value of having His peace in your heart at school or in sports or at home?

•Who are some of the most peaceful people you know?

•We’re told in Colossians 3:16 to let the word of Christ live inside our hearts “richly.” Do you think we do a good job of letting Christ’s words live inside of us in our family?

•What are some things we—or you—could do to be more intentional about getting Christ’s word out of the Bible and into our hearts? Will that make any difference in the way we live our lives?

•How important is music to you? How does music influence your mood and/or what you think about? Why do you think music can be so powerful?

•How important are “psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs” in your life? Does that Christian music help you feel closer to God?

•Do you enjoy singing songs to God? Songs about God? What’s the value of singing those kinds of songs together with other Christians?

•Which is more helpful to your spiritual relationship with God, singing spiritual songs or listening to others sing them? Why do you think that is?

•If your identity is supposed to be Jesus, how much of the time should you live as Jesus? [Parent: We’re trying to emphasize that we need to live in Christ all of the time.]

•Let’s read Colossians 3:17 together. Does that leave room to have any part of our lives set aside to NOT live “in Jesus’ name”? What does it mean to talk and act “in the name of Jesus”?

•How do you think Jesus would live your life differently if He suddenly became you and went to school for you and went to church for you and went to work for you (without anyone knowing it was not you)? What differences would people notice right away? What difference would they notice over time?

•What things would not change if Jesus started living your life for you? In other words, what are some ways you are already living as Jesus in your life?

•What can we do together to help each other do a better job of living as Christ in our home and world?

Daily Prayer

Ask God to help your child to clothe themselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. (See Colossians 3:12.)

Featured Resource: Sacred Parenting

Explore the spiritual dynamics of parenting, and why caring for children is such an effective discipline in shaping our souls and forming the character of Christ within us.

Save 20% off the retail price of “Sacred Parenting” when you use Coupon Code YPN391 and order by 9/30/09
http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/sacred_parenting/
2. Learn Their Lingo

Afterclap = That last person/people who keep(s) clapping after everyone else has stopped.

mascary = When a person wears a scary amount of mascara

3. Movie Reviews for Parents

All About Steve

In spite of a likable cast, very few recent films have annoyed secular critics as much as “All About Steve.” We can’t disagree. But if…

Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/all_about_steve/

500 Days of Summer

This non-linear romantic comedy brings lots of artful indie charm, has won over secular critics, and is likely to appeal to older teens. It finds…

Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/500_days_of_summer/

4. Links to Learn From

Girls and Dieting, Then and Now [Wall Street Journal]
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204731804574386822245731710.html

Better News, but Retail Prospects Are Still Dim [New York Times]
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/02/business/economy/02shop.html?_r=1&hp

Survey: Parents overestimate role in teens’ sex education [Austin-American Statesman]
http://www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/local/2009/09/02/0902teensex.html

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Upcoming Seminar Locations

YEILD Kershaw

- Kershaw, SC

Shady Grove UMC

- Winston-Salem, NC

First Reformed Church

- Landis, NC

Our Savior Lutheran Church

- Mankato, MN

Alliance Church of the Valley

- St. Croix Falls, WI

THe 10 Commandments

2009-09-01T13:06:00.002-04:00

Contents

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Learn Their Lingo
3. Movie Reviews
4. Links to Learn From
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
1. Tools for Parenting Teens

From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

The Ten Commandments

Why talk about the Ten Commandments with your son or daughter? It’s worth asking the question. After all, we’re trying to help our students to catch the idea that, as Christians, we are saved by grace and not by following the law—that our struggle with sin, including the big Ten, does not disqualify us from being loved by God if our faith is in Christ.

Unfortunately, the message many teens hear (right along with people of every age) is that our sin doesn’t really matter that much to God, after all. If forgiveness is given away for free to all who believe, some assume that what is forgiven is therefore not all that significant. We cannot over-emphasize the grace of God to our kids, but we can under-emphasize His revulsion to our sin.

That’s why we—and especially our kids—need to understand God’s standard for right and wrong in order to get how amazing His grace really is. The Ten Commandments is a good place to start talking about why God takes sin so seriously. These rules reveal who God is—what matters to Him and what He wants for His children.

We hope a few of the following questions will help you to have a productive conversation with your child about the Ten Commandments and the grace of God. You might find it helpful to read through Exodus 20:1-17 together. If you don’t have an opportunity to talk through the whole list, it would be easy to bring up any or all of the commandments—or even just the idea of the list—in smaller conversations as teachable moments present themselves.
Talking Points

•How many of the Ten Commandments can you name without looking? [Parent: Have the list ready to complete it together.]

•Do you remember the story of where and how God gave these ten rules to the Israelites? [Parent: Be prepared to sketch out the backstory from Exodus 19: It had been 3 months since the Israelites had crossed the Red Sea, escaping from Egypt. One of God’s first stops for them was at Mount Sinai, where He gave these commandments.]

•Do you think it’s important for Christians to know and understand the Ten Commandments? Why or why not?

•Is it worse for us to break these rules than to break others of God’s instructions in the Bible? What “happens to you” if you break one of these commands? Will God hate you or punish you? [Parent: Be sure to emphasize that we are all sinners and can be saved only by God’s grace and forgiveness through faith in Jesus. Help your child to understand that God’s forgiveness for those in Christ covers all of our sin.]

•If our Father has already forgiven our sin through our faith in Jesus’ death in our place on the cross—why does it matter that we know about the law? Does God really care if we keep sinning? [Parent: Check out Romans 5 and 6 for good answers to these questions if you want to go deeper.]

•What do the first two commands—no other gods and no idols—tell us about God? Why do you think He is so opposed to His people worshipping other gods or looking to other supernatural sources for help?

•Most people we know don’t worship actual idols they think of as gods. But what kinds of things do people in our culture tend to put ahead of god? What kinds of things do we turn to for help instead of God?

•Paul describes greed as idol worship (in Ephesians 5:5 and Colossians 3:5). How is wanting and trying to get things you don’t need like worshiping an idol?

•The third commandment warns against using God’s name in vain. His name has power. To use it in vain means to disrespect Him or to misuse His power. Do you think anyone takes this command seriously any more? How many people do you know who refuse to use God’s name in disrespectful or deceitful ways?

•What choices have you made about using God’s name or Jesus’ name for swearing or lying or condemning people? Some Christians don’t seem uncomfortable saying “oh my God” or “Jesus” when they’re excited or angry. Why do you think that is?

•“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy” is the fourth command to the Israelites. It’s the only one on the list that New Testament Christians are not called to practice in exactly the same way. Why is that? [Parent: Be prepared to explain your understanding of the Sabbath and how your church addresses it.]

•Commandment 5 gets repeated almost exactly in Ephesians 6:1-3. What does it mean to you to honor your parents? Should it matter whether your parents deserve honor or not, according to God?

•Why do you think this command was important enough to make the list? Do you think it takes more faith in God for some people to obey this command than others? Why?

•Commands 6 - 8 are the simplest ones: Don’t murder. Don’t commit adultery. Don’t steal. Do you think God intended for there to be any exceptions to these commands? Why or why not?

•The ninth commandment deals with lying, specifically lying in a legal sense to hurt another person. Has anyone ever lied in a way that ended up hurting you? Can you think of any reasons that lying about someone else would ever be justified?

•Proverbs tells us that lying is one of the things God really hates. Why do you think He’s so passionate about not telling the truth?

•The tenth commandment talks about coveting. How would you define coveting?

•One definition for coveting could be to make a choice not to be content because you don’t have what someone else has. Why would God care so much whether we’re content or not, as long as we’re keeping all these other commands? [Parent: Be sure to emphasize that what this list shows, in part, is that God really cares that we are satisfied that He is the one who meets all of our needs, that we don’t need anything apart from what He gives to us. God wants our hearts to be fully satisfied with Him.]

•How are we doing as a family at following these commandments? If someone is able to keep them all, does that make them a better person? A better Christian? Good enough to get into heaven? Why or why not? [Parent: Be sure to emphasize that though God is pleased with our obedience, all of us have sinned. None of us can ever earn a place in heaven, because we can’t obey Him perfectly.]

•If someone has broken many—or all—of these commands, is that person doomed? [Parent: It would be great to end this conversation by emphasizing again that Jesus was doomed (or “crushed”) in the place of all who have broken these or other commands of God—and put their trust in Him to receive forgiveness for those sins.]

•So why does it matter so much that we try to obey God now? Why does it matter that we try to live like Jesus—with the help of the Holy Spirit?
Daily Prayer

Ask God to help your child to learn to set their hearts on things above, where Christ is. (See Colossians 3:1.)
Featured Resource: The Space Between

The changes and challenges of adolescence can leave many parents feeling overwhelmed at times with fear, confusion, frustration, and a lack of understanding. But here you’ll find hope to help you understand and effectively parent your teen. Dr. Walt Mueller brings more than 30 years of adolescent research (and his own parenting experience) to help you through the tumultuous years of adolescence.
http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/the_space_between/

2. Learn Their Lingo

BION = Text message short for, "Believe it or not."
RAWK! = RAWK is the slang spelling of ROCK, originally used by metal fans. 1) RAWK is used to express joy, as in a rallying cry. 2) It can also mean congratulations.

3. Movie Reviews for Parents

500 Days of Summer

This non-linear romantic comedy brings lots of artful indie charm, has won over secular critics, and is likely to appeal to older teens. It finds…
Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/500_days_of_summer/

Ponyo

Master animator Hayao Miyazaki built his latest film on the structure of Hans Christian Anderson’s classic tale “The Little Mermaid.” But the story exists within…
Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/ponyo/

4. Links to Learn From

85% of those 18-23 who make a commitment to God did so before age 14 [Fuller Youth Institute]
http://fulleryouthinstitute.org/2009/08/the-85-statistic-is-back/

Why are coming of age movies about grown-ups now? [Washington Post]
http://www.mercurynews.com/movies/ci_13207099

Abercrombie & Fitch: Worst Recession Brand? [Time]
http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1918160,00.html

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face.

- Ronald Reagan

Finding Peace

2009-05-06T10:09:00.000-04:00

Contents
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Learn Their Lingo
3. Movie Reviews
4. Links to Learn From
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

Finding Peace

Okay, so teens don’t always seem like the most peace-loving people on the planet. Or in the house. But everyone wants peace of mind, even if some of us seem to want to have it really loudly.

After last week’s excursion into madness, that is anger, it seems right to find a few minutes to talk this week with our kids about peace. In a time of life virtually defined by angst, we’re convinced that Christian teens can represent Christ in their circles of influence by walking in and exhibiting genuine peace of mind—not just by pretending that nothing is bothering them.
As always, these conversations are meant to offer parents an opportunity to be honest about their own history, struggles, and success stories. Don’t be afraid to open up about how you wrestle with anxiety, anger, or fear to walk with the peace of Christ.

We hope a few of the following questions will give you a few good minutes of conversation with your son or daughter.

Talking Points
Are there times of day or days of the week when you feel more peaceful than others? Times when you feel less peaceful? Why do you think that is?

What kinds of emotions are most likely to steal your peace of mind? Stress? Anxiety? Anger? Fear? What helps you to overcome that?

Can a loud, active person also have peace and quiet in his or her heart? Does being peaceful mean you have to also being boring or bored?
Where does peace of mind come from?

Do you struggle to find peace when you go to bed at night? How can choosing to trust God with what’s on your mind help with that? (Psalm 4:8)

Is peace something that just happens to you if you’re lucky or blessed? Or is it something you have to go after? (Psalm 34:14)

Is it reasonable to expect to do wrong things and feel peaceful at the same time? Why or why not? (Psalm 85:10; Isaiah 32:17)
If you’re having trouble finding peace in your mind or emotions, does it makes sense to check your life to see if you’re doing some sinful things?

Have strong feelings or envy or jealousy ever stolen your peace? (Proverbs 14:30)

Do you think you can lose your sense of peace when you’re chasing money or stuff or success?
What kinds of things can make our household or our lives feel stressful? What could bring more peace into our house and our relationships? (Proverbs 17:1)

Proverbs 29:17 tells parents that one way to have a peaceful relationship with sons is to discipline them. How do you think that works out in our lives together?

Do you ever feel more peaceful after reading or studying God’s Word? (Psalm 119:165)

Featured Resource: The Wisdom Deck
Packed with ideas for conversation starters and wisdom that will help with school, sports, dating, money, and college. Dive into deeper, wiser discussions with The Wisdom Deck. Lean more about The Wisdom Deck at http://www.theWisdomDeck.com!
*Save 20% off the retail price of “The Wisdom Deck” when you use Coupon Code RWPN104 and order by 5/30/09.http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/the_wisdom_deck/

2. Learn Their Lingo
bromance = A non-sexual relationship between two men that are unusually close.
dudevorce = When two male best friends officially end their friendship over a lame disagreement, usually concerning a girl.

3. Movie Reviews for Parents
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
The first big blockbuster of the “summer” borrows from “The Dark Knight” in its violent tone, killing off innocent and major characters one after another… Read Review:http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/x-men_origins_wolverine/

Fighting
Fighting is grittier “Rocky”-style genre picture full of pummeling for fun and profit. Teens who have seen Channing Tatum in the “Step Up” films or… Read Review:http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/fighting/

4. Links to Learn From
Fathers and sons: Don’t forget to celebrate mothers next month [Jackson Sun]http://www.jacksonsun.com/article/20090428/LIFESTYLE/904280302
Teen Drug Education Also Helps Curb Risky Sexual Behavior [Science Daily]http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/04/090429111247.htm
Family arguing leaves a long-lasting imprint on children [Boston.com]http://www.boston.com/news/health/articles/2009/04/27/a_lingering_cloud/
Worried Your Kid Is Addicted to Video Games? [U.S. News & World Report]http://health.usnews.com/blogs/on-parenting/2009/4/21/worried-your-kid-is-addicted-to-video-games-unplug-the-xbox-and-get-him-a-job.html

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. - Bill Cosby

Angry Much?

2009-04-22T10:55:00.000-04:00

Talking Points:
-Do you think of God as being angry, in general, or angry with you?

-The Bible describes Him as being slow to get angry; does that fit with your picture of Him? (See Psalm 145:8.)
-What do you think our lives would be like if God were truly angry with us all the time?
For Christians, why do you think God is NOT angry with us about our sinful choices? (Emphasize the fact that God gives us credit for Jesus’ perfect choices. Think about reading Romans 8:1-2 together if there’s any question about this.)
-God warns us to avoid making friends with people who are quick to get angry. (See Proverbs 22:24-25.) Why do you think that is?
-Would you describe any of your good friends as angry or “hot tempered” people? Has any one else’s anger problem ever cause you pain or trouble?
-Everyone gets angry sometimes, including parents. (Think about talking about the issue of anger between you and your child and trying to clear the air about any unresolved anger questions between you. If it seems healthy, you might consider bringing up Ephesians 6:4 and talking about how dads can sometimes help their kids to feel more or less angry over time.)
-Would you say it ever feels good to get really angry? Why or why not?
-The Bible says that it is unwise to completely unleash our anger—to just let ourselves express our angry feelings without holding back. (See Proverbs 29:11.) Why do you think that is?
-Do you think people are more or less likely to sin when they’re angry? (See Proverbs 29:22.)
-God’s Word makes a big deal about how quickly we get angry. We’re told that love is not easily angered and that God is slow to get angry. On a scale from 1 to 10—with 10 being the fastest—how quickly do you tend to get angry? (See Ecclesiastes 7:9. Think about being honest about your own anger speed.)
-Do you think getting angry is a sin all by itself? (No! Emphasize this idea strongly and think about reading Ephesians 4:26 together.)
-The Bible commands us not let anger lead us into sin and not to hold onto our anger overnight. Once you get angry, how hard is it to let go of anger? (Think about sharing some ways you might have learned for letting go of anger.)
-Anger sometimes makes us feel stronger; do you think it ever helps us to make better choices? (Not usually. See James 1:20.)
-How is letting go of anger similar to making a choice to trust God? (Emphasize that when we let go of anger we’re deciding to believe that God is in control, that He is good and powerful and loving, and that He will bring about the best possible result in the situation in the long run.)

Featured Resource: Boundaries with Teens
In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.
*Save 30% off the retail price of “Boundaries with Teens” when you use Coupon Code YPN292 and order by 4/30/09.http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/boundaries_with_teens/

2. Learn Their Lingo
JJA = Text messaging, short for "just joking around"
Ghetto Upgrade = When you are flying economy on a near empty flight and can lay across an entire row of seats.

3. Movie Reviews for Parents
17 Again
In addition to reflecting (sometimes poignantly) the common “what if” game played by grown-ups everywhere, the silly “17 Again” works out a couple of big… Read Review:http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/17_again/
Hannah Montana: The Movie
If your daughter is a fan of the Hannah Montana franchise, this record-breaking G-rated movie might provide some valuable teachable moments about issues of fame,… Read Review:http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/hannah_montana_the_movie/

4. Links to Learn From
1.5 Million Kids on the Street [Fuller Youth Institute]http://fulleryouthinstitute.org/2009/03/15-million-kids-on-the-street/
Disney Expert Uses Science to Draw Boy Viewers [New York Times]http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/14/arts/television/14boys.html?_r=1
Six Teen Sexual Health Myths Spread by Web Identified [Stanford University]http://www.businesswire.com/portal/site/google/?ndmViewId=news_view&newsId=20090414006224&newsLang=en
Don’t Be a Party to Teenage Drinking [Valley Courier]http://www.alamosanews.com/V2_news_articles.php?heading=0&page=75&story_id=12526

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
What you see and hear depends a great deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what sort of person you are.- C.S. Lewis

Why the Resurrection matters

2009-04-15T14:17:00.000-04:00

Contents
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Learn Their Lingo
3. Movie Reviews
4. Links to Learn From
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
====================================

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

This Week: The Real Jesus

Dual identities are a huge part of our entertainment and youth culture right now. This last weekend, Hannah Montana ruled the box office with her ongoing story of being both “regular girl” Miley Stewart and pop star Hannah.

That secret alter-ego territory is normally reserved for the comic book/superhero world of Bruce Wayne/Batman, Peter Parker/Spider-Man, etc. And rap stars have been beefing up their stage presence with assumed tough-guy identities for years. Our celebrity craze is driven partly by the “need” to find out who our on-screen heroes “really are.”

Having just wrapped up Easter week, Christians have been reminded that Jesus operated while here on Earth as a kind of dual identity, as well. We believe He was both fully God and fully man without the need for a costume change to become either one. We emphasized his humanity last week, that His life, death, and resurrection were all very physical.

This week, we’re looking for opportunities to talk about His non-secret identity as God, a being who has always existed, who is amazingly powerful, and who is absolutely unique in all of the universe. We want to talk about why it had to be Him on the cross and leaving the tomb—or else all of us would be lost.

If you get a chance to capitalize on last week’s Easter emphasis, look to work a few of these questions into a productive conversation about Jesus. You’ll find it helpful to read through Colossians 1:15-22.

Talking Points:
How often do you think about Jesus? Do you ever wonder what His existence was like before He came to Earth or after He ascended into heaven?
Have you ever wondered if someone else could have died on the cross? Did it have to be Him?
Our culture seems to be fascinated with dual identities, like Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, Bruce Wayne/Batman, and every rap star out there. Why do you think we’re so interested in that?
Have you ever thought of Jesus as having a dual identity? Why do you think He kept the secret for so long while He was on earth of who He really is? What was the point of waiting?
We believe that He was fully God and fully human at the same time. What does that idea mean to you?
During Easter week, we heard a lot about His life as a man. Colossians 1 tells us some about His life as God, including the idea that He is the image of God. Why do you think it matters that we have a “picture” of God, who is invisible?
Did you know that Jesus existed before anything else in all of creation—and that He created everything? Is there any way to even imagine that kind of power?
We’re told Jesus still holds all things together, so He’s still all-powerful even after becoming human and dying and rising again. What do you think would happen if He stopped holding everything together?
Jesus is also the head of the church—and over everything in the universe, for that matter. I know we don’t always obey God, but how often do you think about the idea that Jesus is Lord of everything, including us?
The Bible says we were God’s enemies “in our minds” because of our “evil” actions. Do you ever think of people who are not in Christ as being God’s enemies? Would someone in a war with God have any hope at all of winning?
We all still sin—just like God’s enemies do—but Jesus’ death and resurrection made it possible for us to be reconciled, to be made perfect in God’s eyes. What is it worth to be changed from God’s enemy to a member of God’s family?

Featured Resource: Boundaries with Teens
In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.
*Save 30% off the retail price of “Boundaries with Teens” when you use Coupon Code YPN292 and order by 4/30/09.http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/boundaries_with_teens/

2. Learn Their Lingo
JJA = Text messaging, short for "just joking around"
Ghetto Upgrade = When you are flying economy on a near empty flight and can lay across an entire row of seats.

3. Movie Reviews for Parents
Hannah Montana: The Movie
If your daughter is a fan of the Hannah Montana franchise, this record-breaking G-rated movie might provide some valuable teachable moments about issues of fame,… Read Review:http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/hannah_montana_the_movie/
Fast & Furious
“Fast & Furious” is a huge hit, scoring an opening weekend for April that is nearly $30 million more than the previous record. Many teens… Read Review:http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/fast_furious/

4. Links to Learn From
1.5 Million Kids on the Street [Fuller Youth Institute]
http://fulleryouthinstitute.org/2009/03/15-million-kids-on-the-street/
Disney Expert Uses Science to Draw Boy Viewers [New York Times]http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/14/arts/television/14boys.html?_r=1
Six Teen Sexual Health Myths Spread by Web Identified [Stanford University]http://www.businesswire.com/portal/site/google/?ndmViewId=news_view&newsId=20090414006224&newsLang=en
Don’t Be a Party to Teenage Drinking [Valley Courier]http://www.alamosanews.com/V2_news_articles.php?heading=0&page=75&story_id=12526

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
What you see and hear depends a great deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what sort of person you are.- C.S. Lewis

Celebrating the Passover

2009-04-07T15:03:00.000-04:00

Money Problems

2009-03-31T15:43:00.000-04:00

Contents
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Learn Their Lingo
3. Movie Reviews
4. Links to Learn From
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

Conversation Starters:
A few ideas each week you can use at the table, in the car, or any time an opportunity comes along to talk with your kids about wisdom and God's Word.

Whatever your family has talked together about during this economic crisis, it continues to be a great opportunity to discuss financial wisdom and foolishness with your kids.

Money Problems

This Week: Money Problems
The economy may be beginning to bounce back this week. At least, that’s the spin this news cycle. Whatever your family has talked together about during this economic crisis, it continues to be a great opportunity to discuss financial wisdom and foolishness with your kids.
In addition to looking for natural opportunities to share from your own experience, understanding, and insight about the financial issues in play today, we’re encouraging parents this week to consider the ancient wisdom of Solomon about money as he expressed in Ecclesiastes 5. Consider reading that chapter as preparation for talking through the questions below.

Scripture identifies Solomon as the wisest and perhaps wealthiest man who has ever lived. Surprisingly, he was highly cynical about money. He saw money as fickle, limited, and ultimately disappointing. He urged his readers to develop the ability to enjoy what they had rather than making acquisition the point of life.
We’d love to hear if any of the following questions provoke some honest and productive conversations with your kids.
Talking Points:
-What does it mean to you to “love” money? Can you think of anyone we know who seems to live for money?
-What would be so wrong with living for money?
-Why do you think the economy is in such a mess right now?
-Do you think people who live for money ever feel like they have enough of it?
-How much money do you think you would need to be really satisfied with life?
-One of the problems with having things is that it costs so much to take care of those things. Have you ever thought about how much it costs to keep our car(s) running from month to month?
-During this economic crisis, people have been buying way fewer cars. What do you think that means for all the people who make their living on the costs that come with buying and owning cars?
-Have you noticed that we sometimes seem to get anxious or worried about money? Why do you think people get so uptight about money issues? Does it bother you that we can get worried about money?
-Do you think it’s sometimes easier to have less money if it means you have less to worry about? Why or why not?
-Do you think it can ever be unhealthy to have too much money? What would be some unhealthy attitudes that could come from having too much?
-Do you think people with lots of money should be more or less generous with money? Why do you think God cares so much that we give away some of our money?
-After everyone we know right now has died, will it matter who had the most money? Or who was the poorest? What will matter about our lives after we’ve died?
-How do you think we as a family do at really enjoying our lives? Do you think we enjoy our meals together? Our play times? The good things we have?
-Do you think it’s possible to really enjoy work? Why or why not?
-Do you think we do a good job at telling God thanks for all the good gifts we have? How could we do better at that?
-Does money provide all the good things in our lives or do they come from God? (See James 1:17)
Obeying God First
The challenge we face in communicating our commitment and passion for obeying God to our kids is not a new one, of course. It’s the same challenge the nation of Israel faced with each new generation. And we know they were not always successful. In fact, their record was pretty dismal. Human nature has not changed. Still, God has laid it at our feet to get their attention and pass the spark on in a way that has the best chance to catch flame. Specifically, the goal is to get them to internalize their responsibility to obey Him first and above all.
Trying Harder
Is it possible that some of us have taken some of the challenge out of following Jesus for our kids? Have we described a relationship with God that is too easy, that only requires students to talk the talk and stay out of serious trouble? Is there value in setting the bar higher for our kids (and ourselves) and then making sure they notice the sweat involved in running after Jesus?
Known by Their Texts
If in the distant future some diligent historian were to uncover a letter or e-mail or series of text messages to or from your child, what would they learn from that snapshot? What would they conclude about your child’s character, faith, or values?
One More Thing
You know that feeling you get when you’re saying goodbye to a son or daughter on the way out the door to a big trip or major event? Or maybe you’re the one headed somewhere for a few days. Suddenly, you fall into a rush of last-minute instructions and helpful direction. Sometimes, your most important guidance comes out in those “signing off” moments.
Standing Stronger
Your children may sometimes feel as if the secular media culture, especially, is hostile to their faith. Closer to home, the reaction of peers to bold belief in Jesus can range from simple confusion to open contempt. How do your kids stand strong against cultural pressure to violate their biblical convictions?
God is Good
Your student lives in a youth culture full of voices questioning God’s goodness. Even those of us deeply convinced in the goodness of God are sometimes tempted to question that. To help your student think and talk about God’s goodness, read through Psalm 40 this week and look for the right opportunity to ask your student a few of these questions.
New Year, New You
From a wisdom perspective, you can help your student think through issues like where the power to change for the better really comes from, how growing spiritually is similar and different from just getting better grades or getting in shape, what “obvious sins” are and are not, and what someone becoming more like Jesus should start to look like.
The Foolish Joy of Mocking
Many students fall into the habit of mocking as a way for covering up their own insecurity. Afraid of looking stupid, some will mock others before they can become the victim. Eventually, the habit can become a lifestyle.

2. Learn Their Lingo
MOOS = Text message slang for member of the opposite sex.
Nonversation = A completely worthless conversation, wherein nothing is illuminated, explained or otherwise elaborated upon.

3. Movie Reviews for Parents
Monsters vs. Aliens
This Dreamworks Animation film isn’t built to provide lots of worldview issues to chew on. It’s a funny 3D romp packed with recognizable actors voicing… Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/monsters_vs._aliens/
Knowing
Knowing
Until the last act, “Knowing” feels like a somewhat standard spooky, sci-fi story in which the hero races to figure out the secret in time… Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/knowing/

4. Links to Learn From
Girl violence getting more lethal
http://www.thestarphoenix.com/news/Girl+violence+getting+more+lethal/1418840/story.html
Vitamin D Deficiency Makes Young Girls’ Muscles Weak
http://www.naturalnews.com/025914.html
Allergy sufferers cautious about peanut research
http://www.beaumontenterprise.com/news/local/allergy_sufferers_cautious_about_peanut_research_03-24-2009.html
Scholarships Drying Up [Associate Press]http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hAgWZsDAa8xaSjrav7_IW8i7a06AD96SCVF80

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults.- MAD Magazine

Featured Resource: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Teenagers in Crisis
Fights at school, sexual abuse, eating disorders, school crises … the list goes on and on. Hardly a day passes without a local crisis at involving junior highers or high schoolers. This practical resource covers the whole continuum of private and public crisis, equipping parents to work with their kids to deal with any crisis in a way that helps the individual and helps the family stay intact.
Receive 30% off A Parent’s Guide to Helping Teenagers in Crisis using coupon code RWPN102 by April 11th, 2009.

Obeying God First

2009-03-19T10:20:00.000-04:00

Contents
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Learn Their Lingo
3. Movie Reviews
4. Links to Learn From
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

This Week: Obeying God First
The challenge we face in communicating our commitment and passion for obeying God to our kids is not a new one, of course. It’s the same challenge the nation of Israel faced with each new generation. And we know they were not always successful. In fact, their record was pretty dismal. Human nature has not changed.
Part of the problem is that our kids have not shared in the experiences and hard-learned discoveries that brought us to our current level of commitment to God. This week, many students are likely distracted by warmer weather outside, wrapping up winter sports, getting deeper into spring sports, and an ever-growing network of digital “friends.” Some of them might even be studying.

God has laid it at our feet to get their attention and pass the spark on in a way that has the best chance to catch flame. Specifically, the goal is to get them to internalize their responsibility to obey Him first and above all.

We’ve drawn our talking points for the week from Deuteronomy 6:1-9. As you look for opportunities to fall into conversation with your teen this week, maybe a few of these questions will spur some constructive dialogue on the issue of owning their need to obey God.

Talking Points:
[Make it clear that you’re not looking to scold or correct your student before asking this question:]
Who in your life has the right to tell you what to do?
In just a few years, you’ll be out on your own. Who do you think will have the right to tell you what to do then?
Who do you think has the right to tell me [the parent] what to do?
Where does the authority come from to give one person the right to tell another person what to do?
Does the person being told always have to agree to it?
Do you believe God has the right to tell everyone what to do, no matter what? Why or why not? What are the consequences of disobeying God?
What are the benefits of obeying God?
What are some of the things God tells you and me we must (or must not) do?
Are His commands reasonable?
If we obey God, does He owe us anything?
Should we expect our lives to be easier?
Should we expect not to suffer anything awful?
Which is more important to God, that we love Him or obey Him?
Do you think the two are connected? (See John 14:15.) What does it mean to you to love God with all of your heart, soul, and strength?
Do you think it means to obey Him the best we can possibly do?
God tells me [the parent] to make sure you know all about His commands to you and how important it is for you to follow them. How am I doing at that?
How could I obey that command better?
How could I improve in helping you to follow and obey God more closely?
Imagine being a parent of someone your age; how would you make sure that he or she was learning to obey God first?

Featured Resource: Wisdom On Getting Along with ParentsThis book is about giving teenagers insight and understanding into the dynamics of their relationship with their parents, and helping them learn to use wisdom when they interact with you.Receive 30% off Wisdom On Getting Along with Parents using coupon code RWPN101 by April 4th, 2009.http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/wisdom_on_getting_along_with_parents/

2. Learn Their Lingo
Sky Up = to exit or leave a place
YIC = text message lingo for “Yours in Christ”

3. Movie Reviews for Parents
"Race to Witch Mountain"There is no witch in “Race to Witch Mountain,” just a couple of alien kids who need The Rock to help them find their… Read Review:http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/race_to_witch_mountain/ Street Figher: The Legend of Chun-Li

“Street Fighter” didn’t set any box office records, but it is aimed squarely at young action fans, including those who have spent time with the… Read Review:http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/street_figher_the_legend_of_chun-li/

4. Links to Learn From
Scholarships Drying Up [Associate Press]http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hAgWZsDAa8xaSjrav7_IW8i7a06AD96SCVF80
Teen Conflicts Linked to Potential Risk for Adult Cardiovascular Disease [Science Daily]http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/03/090310124859.htm
Hyperactivity Helps ADHD boys with memorization [Ans Technica]http://arstechnica.com/science/news/2009/03/hyperactivity-helps-adhd-boys-with-memorization.ars
Celebrate a Passover Seder
http://www.echothestory.com/index.php/blog/comments/celebrate_a_passover_seder_with_your_group

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will sometimes produce bizarre behavior … and I’m not talking about the kids.- Bill Cosby

Trying Harder

2009-03-12T10:41:00.000-04:00

Contents
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Learn Their Lingo
3. Movie Reviews
4. Links to Learn From
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

Trying Harder
Is it possible that some of us have taken some of the challenge out of following Jesus for our kids? Have we described a relationship with God that is too easy, that only requires students to talk the talk and stay out of serious trouble? Is there value in setting the bar higher for our kids (and ourselves) and then making sure they notice the sweat involved in running after Jesus?
This last week, your teen’s world may have been full of basketball or other sports; thousands(!) of texts, Facebook messages, and Twitter updates; watching (or being curious about) all that sex, hype, and violence in “The Watchmen;” 30 - 40 hours of school and studying; and maybe 3 hours at church.
Where did working at following Jesus fit into that mix? This week’s talking points come from 2 Peter 3:3-9. If you get a minute to read it, you’ll be better prepared for whatever dialogue these questions church up. If your student uses the PlanetWisdom.com daily devo, he or she will be studying the same passage this week.
Talking Points:
Do you think that living the Christian life is an easy or a hard thing? Why?
What does it mean to you to walk with God every day or to live your life as a Christian? What does that look like?
Do you ever feel that getting serious about living for God is something for when you’re older? What do you think God expects from you right now?
What do you think He expects from me?
Do you think you’re missing anything you need to live the life God wants you to? Are you waiting for something to come together so you can follow Him better? [See 2 Peter 1:3.]
How many of God’s promises to you can you think of right now?
Do you think it should be easy or hard to stop doing sinful things? How about doing good things—should that just come naturally or should Christians have to work at it, even when God gives us the power to do it?
In 2 Peter, it says that we need to “make every effort” to turn our faith into actions. What kind of effort do you think we should be making?
What kind of work does it take to do good or to gain knowledge about God?
What does self-control mean to you? What are some of the areas of life in which God can help us to work at being self-controlled? Why is self-control so hard sometimes?
Do you know any Christians who really show brotherly kindness and love in an obvious way? Do you think that just comes naturally to them or have they worked in God’s power to make those choices?
Do you think you can waste your life as a Christian and not make the most of the life God wants you to live for Him?
How do you think Christians might act if they forgot God had forgiven their sins through faith in Jesus?
What the most important relationship in your life right now? How much of your life do you spend on that relationship? What is your highest priority? How much of your time do you spend working on that priority?
[Moms/Dads: Sometimes the stickiest wisdom you can give your kids is that of your own experience in following Jesus. Be sure to share your own failures and victories if you get the opportunity.]

Featured Resource: The Script
For students who want a new kind of devotional, The Script offers a new twist on the Gospel of John as they listen to, and reflect on a spoken word translation from youth ministry veteran, and former rapper, Fred Lynch. Each reading is followed by creative exercises, as well as prayer and journaling to help students take the Word of God to heart.
http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=426

2. Learn Their Lingo
4COL = Text Message short code for "For crying out loud."
Inbox Rot = Never responding to a friend request on Facebook or Myspace.

3. Movie Reviews for Parents
Street Figher: The Legend of Chun-Li
“Street Fighter” didn’t set any box office records, but it is aimed squarely at young action fans, including those who have spent time with the… Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/street_figher_the_legend_of_chun-li/
Madea Goes to Jail
Madea Goes to Jail
Tyler Perry’s “dramedies” are always packed with big worldview ideas. Even his crazy characters talk a lot about going to church and doing what the… Read Review:http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/madea_goes_to_jail/

4. Links to Learn From
Immigrants’ Children Look Closer For Love [Washington Post]
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/07/AR2009030701841.html
Teenage Stress Has Implications for Adult Health [UCLA]
http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-03/uoc—tsh031009.php
Generation OMG [NY Times]
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/08/weekinreview/08zernike.html?pagewanted=1&_r=4&ref=weekinreview
How To Tell Your Teen is Abusing Drugs [Forbes]
http://www.forbes.com/2009/03/09/teen-drug-abuse-lifestyle-health-teen-drug.html

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.- Dale Carnegie

Talking About Love and Prayer

2009-02-24T16:27:00.000-05:00

Contents
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Learn Their Lingo
3. Movie Reviews
4. Links to Learn From
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

You know that feeling you get when you’re saying goodbye to a son or daughter on the way out the door to a big trip or major event? Or maybe you’re the one headed somewhere for a few days.

Suddenly, you fall into a rush of last-minute instructions and helpful direction. Sometimes, your most important guidance comes out in those “signing off” moments.

This week, we’re pulling our talking points from some of Paul’s last-minute instructions to his friends in the town of Colosse. He’s writing to them from prison—where he’s locked up for preaching about Jesus—and he’s wrapping up his short-but-urgent letter.

What he says to the Colossians are instructions very similar to what we hope our kids will follow as they continue their walk with Jesus further and further from us toward adulthood and independence.

Take a minute to read Colossians 4:2-6 to prepare your heart and mind to discuss some of the following questions during any available teachable moments that spring up this week.

Talking Points:
What does it mean to you to be completely committed to something?
What are some of the things in your life you’d say you're 100 percent devoted to?
Which of those things would you say is the most valuable to you?
How big of a deal is prayer in your life?
Is it just a chore you know you should do—or an essential part of your day that you can’t imagine living without?
When does prayer feel the most valuable or “essential” to you?
What are 10 things you’d say you’re thankful for today?
What are 3 things we could maybe ask for God’s help with today?
Have you ever thought about praying that more and more people will trust in Jesus and become Christians?
Could we ask God for that in our town? In your school? In our church?
If you were going to regularly pray for 3-4 people in your life to become Christians, who would go on that list? Why do you think those people come to mind?
What would be some good things for us to pray for your youth leaders or for our pastor at church?
Do you have any Christian friends who act like different people when they’re with unbelievers than with other Christians? Is that a problem?
Should we talk and act “more Christian” or “less Christian” when we’re with unsaved people?
Do you ever think about the way our family makes God look to people who know we believe in Jesus? How could we do better at that?
Do you have any projects or jobs in your life that you think have been given to you by God? If so, what?
How would you define the word “grace”?

Featured Resource: Raising Sons and Loving It!
A book that helps parents understand the unique challenges and corresponding opportunities of parenting sons, you’ll find within its pages advice on everything from recognizing the dramatic differences between boys and girls to the specific ways parents can cultivate their son’s heart for God.
Save 30% off the retail price of “Raising Sons and Loving It!” when you use Coupon Code YPN293 and order by 3/4/09http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?cPath=2_46&products_id=1927

2. Learn Their Lingo
hello list = The list of people you have to or want to say “hello” to on a daily basis.
BFD = text message short code for “big freaking deal”

3. Movie Reviews for Parents
Confessions of a Shopaholic
“Confessions of a Shopaholic” may be an average romantic comedy brightened by the Lucille Ball stylings of Isla Fisher, but it is built around some… Read Review:
http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/confessions_of_a_shopaholic/
Coraline
“Coraline” is simply a feast of imagination for the eyes. Every character and setting and prop and color and texture pops out of the screen… Read Review:http://www.realworldparents.com/movies/review/coraline/

4. Links to Learn From
Bebo teen slang terms to appear in dictionary [Telegraph UK]http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/4601440/Bebo-teen-slang-terms-to-appear-in-Collins-dictionary.html

Teens, Sex and Technology, What’s Really Going On [Opposingviews.com]http://www.opposingviews.com/articles/research-teens-sex-and-technology-what-s-really-going-on

Early College Admission and the Adolescent Brain [Inside Higher Ed]http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2009/02/12/early

Gambling in School? [Radio Iowa]
http://www.radioiowa.com/gestalt/go.cfm?objectid=70F2C363-5056-B82A-37EBB33B190F4305

5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
Mothers are all slightly insane.- J.D. Salinger

Listen Well

2009-02-18T15:00:00.000-05:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Learn Their Lingo
4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========HOW TO VOLUNTEER LIKE A PRO
After more than twenty years as a paid youth worker, Jim Hancock left and became a volunteer in youth ministry. That experience taught him things he may never have learned as a youth ministry professional, and now he wants to empower others who are passionate about being volunteer youth workers.
Learn more about and purchase "How to Volunteer Like A Pro" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?&products_id=1845
*Save 30% off the retail price of "How to Volunteer Like A Pro" when you use Coupon Code YPN291 and order by 2/18/09.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
PEOPLE LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO LISTEN

If paying attention to what kids talk about is the passive side of listening, what's the active side? Here's the script of a digital movie I wrote for DCLA and the Youth Specialties CORE tour. It's my best shot at putting words to the adolescent longing to be heard...

Listen-You wanna know how I'm doing?Don't ask.

Seriously. Don't ask if you're not ready to listen. Don't say, "How you doin'?" I'll just say, "Fine." It's the answer I'm trained to give-whether it's true or not. A shallow answer to a shallow question. Most people don't really wanna know; they assume I know they're just being polite. I don't think that's polite at all. Short questions get short answers.

You wanna know how I'm doing? Ask what I've been up to; what I'm working on; what's up with my family.
If you're asking me (and I sensed you were), most of the best question don't have question marks: "Tell me about your sister." "I'd like to hear about your job." "Tell me how you felt." "Tell me what you mean." "I'd like to know more about that."
You wanna know how I feel when you ask questions that way? I feel included. I feel cared for. I feel like I belong.

Please...if you already know the answer, it's not really a question, is it...it's a test. Please don't do that to me. (I hate tests.)
Don't make me look foolish. Don't trick me. Don't use me to make a point.
If you're serious, ask what I think, ask how I feel, ask an honest question, and wait for my honest answer.

Learn from silence. If I don't answer right away--if the silence goes on too long--ask what that means. Maybe I'm embarrassed. Maybe I didn't understand the question. (Maybe you weren't clear.) Maybe I'm thinking (and wouldn't that be nice). You wanna know how I'm doing?Sometimes I'm sad because life is confusing and painful, and we both know there's nothing you can do to fix that.It's okay. I'll be fine...truly.

That doesn't mean I don't want you to check. Give me a chance to tell you when I'm fine, and maybe I'll tell you when I'm not.

Don't take my first response at face value. Listen with your eyes: Do I look like I'm doing all right? Listen with your heart: Do you believe my answer?

With the very best motives--sometimes with the worst--I'm capable of every kind of deceit. Just like you. Don't ask me to do what you won't. If you wanna know my story, tell me yours. Let me know I'm safe--let me know you're not perfect either.
When I believe that, I'll talk your ear off.

**
Jim Hancock invested two decades as a church-based youth worker. Now he spends his days in Leucadia, California, writing and creating digital movies and learning designs like "Raising Adults," "The Justice Mission," and the "Good Sex" curriculum for youth workers, parents, and adolescents.
Learn more about and purchase "How to Volunteer Like A Pro" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?&products_id=1845
*Save 30% off the retail price of "How to Volunteer Like A Pro" when you use Coupon Code YPN291 and order by 2/18/09.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Health Spotlight on Teenage Drinking [NZ Herald]
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/health/news/article.cfm?c_id=204&objectid=10554682
Arrests of Teenage Girls and Women Reach Record Levels in UK [Guardian]http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/jan/29/girls-arrests-crime
Teen Angst Takes Center Stage [Ohio.com]
http://www.ohio.com/entertainment/38585254.html
The Myth of Teenage Promiscuity [New York Times]http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/health/27well.html?ref=science
Teaching Teenagers About Harassment [New York Times]http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/business/media/27adco.html?_r=1&ref=technology

3. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Blackberry Prayer = the position a person assumes when engrossed in a text conversation on their phone.
- Blingin = Shining because you are wearing so much jewelry. "Check you out David, you blingin tonight."

4. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." ~ Charles R. Swindoll

copyright 2009 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Family Togetherness & Peer Pressure

2009-02-02T13:08:00.000-05:00

CONTENTS
Tools for Parenting Teens
Links to Learn From
Inside Your Teen's World
Learn Their Lingo
A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========GET A CLUE
We may never fully understand teenagers, but we can learn more about them with "Youth Culture 101." Cultural analyst and adolescent expert, Walt Mueller, shares research and trends to help you better understand your teens and minister to them more effectively in their ever-changing world.
Learn more about and purchase "Youth Culture 101" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?&products_id=332
*Save 30% off the retail price of "Youth Culture 101" when you use Coupon Code YPN194 and order by 2/11/09.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS

LESS FAMILY PRESENCE ADDS TO PEER PRESSURE

"It's great to be together as a family again!" a father said to his wife and sons at the end of a parent-teen weekend I'd been leading. His words bothered me. Had they not been spending time together as a family? Had he been away on some extended business trip? Had the parents separated? It wasn't any of the latter. Rather, each family member while living in the same house had been so involved in his or her own activities that it took a weekend away from home for them to spend time together again! Now that I've experienced years of hustle and bustle that comes with living with teenagers, I know about this struggle.

While it's natural for parents and teenagers to spend less time together as the kids pass through adolescence, it's unwise to assume that it's all right to not spend time as a family. Parents who become over involved in work, recreation, and other outside activities are also making the choice to spend less time with the family. As a result they open the door for their teenagers to spend more time "living with" and listening to their peer group. In addition, when parent-teenager time decreases, parents know less about what their kids are facing, and parental influence decreases as well. When asked by the Gallup Institute, "How would you rate your parents on understanding these things about you?" 38 percent of teenagers rated their parents "fair" or "poor" regarding knowledge about peer pressures they face.358
So, after years of little or no family time, an entire generation of "baby busters" has moved through their teenage years and into adulthood with a hunger for deep, meaningful relationships. The "buster" label is accurate, given the fact that many in this age group look back on their personal history and see a series of "busted" relationships.

Developmental expert David Elkind cites the breakdown of the family as one of the main reasons for the crisis among adolescents in today's world. In his classic, still-relevant book "All Grown Up and No Place to Go", Elkind says that what teenagers need is time to grow through the normal and confusing changes of adolescence. Yet, our society pushes them through adolescence, forcing them into premature adulthood that they're unable to handle. The deteriorating family, including absent and uninvolved parents, is to blame. The result for our teenagers, says Elkind, is stress and its aftermath.359

Much of that stress occurs when the powerful influence and expectations of the peer group are not balanced by loving, involved parents who spend time with their kids. Consequently, close friends wind up understanding teenagers more than their own parents do. In addition, the peer group assumes the nurturing role, thereby shaping the values, attitudes, and behaviors that should be shaped by Mom and Dad. Dean Borgman notes that kids whose lives are marked by resiliency to the struggles of adolescence (including negative peer pressure and influence) are marked by a history of "strong family nurture."360

The absence of family nurture has changed how teenagers are relating to one another, and have upped the intensity of peer influence and pressure. Chap Clark's research into the lives and world of today's emerging generations offers convincing evidence that kids are relating in new ways. Clark says that because kids have been abandoned by those who should be there for them, they look for a safe place elsewhere. They find "a family with a set of respected and controlled expectations, loyalties, and values" in peer "clusters."361

These groups of teenagers who identify themselves as a relational unit "develop because mid adolescents know they have no choice but to find a safe, supportive family and community, and in a culture of abandonment, the peer group seems to be the only option they have."362

Clark identifies one of the distinguishing marks of a cluster (ranging in size from roughly four to ten kids) as "rules and norms: While a cluster is being developed, a subtle, almost imperceptible negotiation goes on among the members. The necessary rules, norms, values, and even narratives of the cluster that serve to bind the members together are all worked out prior to the cluster's ultimate formation. After these have been negotiated and established (again, almost never through explicit dialogue or reflection), the members of the cluster tend to subordinate their own personal convictions, loyalties, and norms to the will of the collective whole."363 Consequently, the influence of the cluster shapes values, attitudes, and behaviors of an adolescent with an intensity and depth not known by previous generations of teenagers who also experienced peer influence and pressure, but at a markedly different level that was tempered and shaped by a stronger family context.

I believe negative peer pressure and influence would be significantly lower if our families weren't marked by so much lack of togetherness. More kids would be better equipped to handle the stresses and strains of negative peer pressure.
**

Walt Mueller is the founder and president of the Center for Parent Youth Understanding, which serves churches, schools, and community organizations around the world by providing information and analysis on contemporary youth culture. He's a 30-year youth ministry veteran that lives with his wife in Pennsylvania.
Learn more about and purchase "Youth Culture 101" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?&products_id=332
*Save 30% off the retail price of "Youth Culture 101" when you use Coupon Code YPN194 and order by 2/11/09.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
The Myth of Teenage Promiscuity [New York Times]http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/health/27well.html?ref=science
Social Networking Safety Tips for Parents and Educators [Barking Robot]http://www.debaird.net/blendededunet/2009/01/social-networking-safety-tips-for-parents-educators.html
Teen Tips for Eating Healthy [Herald Sun-Australia]http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24952322-5006012,00.html

3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
MTV Pushes Hard to Win Back Teen Audience [Ad Age]
http://adage.com/madisonandvine/article?article_id=133995

4. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Default potential = A self-portrait or a picture with you in it that has the potential to be your default image on myspace/facebook etc.

5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"There are two things that a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and its mother's age."~ Benjamin Spock

copyright 2009 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

The Confidence to Meet Great Expectations

2009-01-30T10:51:00.000-05:00

CONTENTS
1.Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Learn Their Lingo
4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========WHEN CHURCH KIDS GO BAD
In this practical book, youth ministry veteran Les Christie will help you take a positive approach to discipline when it becomes necessary. "When Church Kids Go Bad" will:
- Reveal the reasons behind problem behavior and show you how to take a positive approach to discipline
- Teach you how to use rules and consequences effectively
- Help you evaluate your strengths and weaknesses in discipline situations (and improve your areas of weakness)
- Give you dozens of specific, practical, helpful ideas you can use immediately with your students
Learn more about and purchase "When Church Kids Go Bad" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=431
*Save 30% off the retail price of "When Church Kids Go Bad" when you use Coupon Code YPN192 and order by 1/28/09.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
This week is all about expectations. Together, you and your youth pastor (and any other adults involved in the life of your teen) have great expectations for what kind of adult they'll become. What can you do to help your teen meet and exceed your expectations? This excerpt from "When Church Kids Go Bad" (and they do!), will help you encourage the confidence in your teen to meet those expectations. (Editor's Note: This was originally written to youth workers, but applies to parenting as well.)

GIVING KIDS CONFIDENCE TO BE ALL GOD WANTS THEM TO BE
It's easy to forget that discipline is intended for our young people's benefit, not for our own. I have to be careful that I am not merely trying to create a showpiece. Do I care too much what others think about my kids and their reflection on me? Is the discipline I'm doing really something that will help my young people grow and mature, or is it just about getting kids to listen to what I say? All discipline and punishment should be done to help my young people be their best, not make me look good or give me fewer problems.

As adult youth leaders we must accept personal responsibility for some of what goes on in our youth group. Sometimes I can be my own worst enemy. When I lose my temper, raise my voice, or put a kid down, I lose my credibility, build up barriers, and tear down a kid's self-esteem. It helps to ask ourselves how much we are contributing to the discipline problems we experience.

There's a story about a ship that was trying to make its way on a dark, foggy night. All of a sudden the captain saw a bright light directly in his ship's path. The captain flashed a message to the approaching ship: "Change your course 10 degrees to the north."
Within a few seconds a message came back to the captain, "Change your course 10 degrees to the south."

Well, that irritated the captain, so he sent out another message to this approaching ship: "I am a captain. Change your course 10 degrees to the north."
He got another message back: "I'm a Seaman 3rd Class. Change your course 10 degrees to the south."

This infuriated the captain, so he sent out a third message as he maintained his path directly toward the oncoming light: "I'm a battleship. Change your course 10 degrees to the north."
He got another message back. "I'm a lighthouse. Change your course 10 degrees to the south."
Sometimes we are the ones who need to shift direction if we want to make a difference in the lives of kids. I used to pray, "Lord, change my kids," and nothing seemed to happen. But when I began to pray, "Lord, change me," I started to see my kids in a different light.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS
To start building your positive disciplinarian skills, try this little exercise. Think about the various activities involved in a typical gathering of your youth group. As you consider each part of the meeting, imagine how your youth group would look if every student were mature and cooperative. (Am I asking the impossible?) Picture what the group is like when every single youth is motivated and responsible. Once you envision how you would like young people to participate in activities, you are on your way to teaching young people to meet your positive expectations.

Gordon MacDonald explains that there are two ways to paddle a canoe through white water. You can wait until you get into the rapids to decide what you're going to do, but you'll probably end up falling into the water. The other way is to keep your eyes 50 yards downstream, picking your route in advance so you know exactly how you're going to act before you get there. Many adult youth leaders make the mistake of never planning ahead not thinking about what kind of young people they hope to produce.

When I was younger, I was taught that if you have high expectations of young people, you'll always be disappointed. But that's not necessarily true; in fact, it often works just the opposite way. When people know you have high expectations of them, they have more incentive to perform well. This fact is supported by a study cited by Warren Bennis in The Unconscious Conspiracy: Why Leaders Can't Lead. Bennis refers to a study of schoolteachers that concluded that when teachers held high expectations of their students that alone was enough to cause an increase of 25 points in the students' IQ scores.

It was Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, "Our chief want in life is someone who will make us do what we can." Our job as adult youth leaders is to give kids confidence God is working in and through them. Always remember you are dealing with ordinary kids in the hands of the extraordinary God. We need to communicate to young people that we have confidence in them.
Unfortunately, our words sometimes communicate the exact opposite. Learn to avoid these and other negative words and phrases which tend to discourage young people:

"Let me finish that for you.""You are too slow.""I'm ashamed of you.""There isn't any excuse for this.""Can't you do anything right?""Did you mess that up again?""When will you ever learn?""What's the matter with you?"

It's odd how constant fault finding can make a young person deaf. He learns to turn off the criticism because he knows what type of comments he is going to hear. If you are given to blaming, ridiculing, teasing, or sarcasm, then stop it. No one likes this kind of behavior. Fault finding is self-defeating; when you have a legitimate criticism, the young person is unlikely to heed it. He has heard too many picky statements he knows were not valid. Fault finding does not usually change a person's behavior on a long-term basis. It may sometimes produce immediate results, but lasting results are rare.

Remember that every one of your kids is a mixture of good qualities and bad ones. If you tend to label your young people--each student is either motivated or lazy, smart or dumb, charming or challenging--you minimize who they all are as individuals. Try to see all the kids you work with as real people with both positive and negative qualities. Then you can help them overcome the negative while building on the positive qualities. We need to treat our kids in ways that reflect our highest expectations of all they are and all they can become.
Some adult youth leaders never expect their young people to amount to much, and those leaders are seldom disappointed. But when you believe in your kids, they'll rise to your expectations. Don't stifle their desire to succeed by telling them they can't. Instead, let your positive attitude rub off on them.
**
Les Christie has spent more than forty years in youth ministry, including more than twenty years in the same church. An energetic speaker, Les also chairs the youth ministry department at William Jessup University. He's the author of more than a dozen books and lives in California with his wife, Gretchen, where he no longer has to discipline his two grown sons, Brent and David.
Learn more about and purchase "When Church Kids Go Bad" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=431
*Save 30% off the retail price of "When Church Kids Go Bad" when you use Coupon Code YPN192 and order by 1/28/09.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Sociologists: Few Teens Sexting [Marketwatch]http://www.marketwatch.com/news/story/sociologist-few-teens-sexting/story.aspx?guid={2EB53DE3-6362-49ED-B4CA-8D81DB2D87F0}&dist=msr_1
Text Messaging Tips for Parents and Educators [Barking Robot]http://www.debaird.net/blendededunet/2009/01/text-messaging-tips-for-parents-educators.html

3. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- detagging = process of disassociating yourself with a picture posted on Facebook

4. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression."~ Haim Ginott

copyright 2009 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

See the world through your kid's eyes

2009-01-20T09:50:00.000-05:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Learn Their Lingo
4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========WHEN CHURCH KIDS GO BAD
In this practical book, youth ministry veteran Les Christie will help you take a positive approach to discipline when it becomes necessary. "When Church Kids Go Bad" will:
- Reveal the reasons behind problem behavior and show you how to take a positive approach to discipline
- Teach you how to use rules and consequences effectively
- Help you evaluate your strengths and weaknesses in discipline situations (and improve your areas of weakness)
- Give you dozens of specific, practical, helpful ideas you can use immediately with your students
Learn more about and purchase "When Church Kids Go Bad" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=431
*Save 30% off the retail price of "When Church Kids Go Bad" when you use Coupon Code YPN192 and order by 1/28/09.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
This week is all about expectations. Together, you and your youth pastor (and any other adults involved in the life of your teen) have great expectations for what kind of adult they'll become. What can you do to help your teen meet and exceed your expectations? This excerpt from "When Church Kids Go Bad" (and they do!), will help you encourage the confidence in your teen to meet those expectations. (Editor's Note: This was originally written to youth workers, but applies to parenting as well.)

GIVING KIDS CONFIDENCE TO BE ALL GOD WANTS THEM TO BE
It's easy to forget that discipline is intended for our young people's benefit, not for our own. I have to be careful that I am not merely trying to create a showpiece. Do I care too much what others think about my kids and their reflection on me? Is the discipline I'm doing really something that will help my young people grow and mature, or is it just about getting kids to listen to what I say? All discipline and punishment should be done to help my young people be their best, not make me look good or give me fewer problems.

As adult youth leaders we must accept personal responsibility for some of what goes on in our youth group. Sometimes I can be my own worst enemy. When I lose my temper, raise my voice, or put a kid down, I lose my credibility, build up barriers, and tear down a kid's self-esteem. It helps to ask ourselves how much we are contributing to the discipline problems we experience.

There's a story about a ship that was trying to make its way on a dark, foggy night. All of a sudden the captain saw a bright light directly in his ship's path. The captain flashed a message to the approaching ship: "Change your course 10 degrees to the north."
Within a few seconds a message came back to the captain, "Change your course 10 degrees to the south."
Well, that irritated the captain, so he sent out another message to this approaching ship: "I am a captain. Change your course 10 degrees to the north."
He got another message back: "I'm a Seaman 3rd Class. Change your course 10 degrees to the south."

This infuriated the captain, so he sent out a third message as he maintained his path directly toward the oncoming light: "I'm a battleship. Change your course 10 degrees to the north."
He got another message back. "I'm a lighthouse. Change your course 10 degrees to the south."
Sometimes we are the ones who need to shift direction if we want to make a difference in the lives of kids. I used to pray, "Lord, change my kids," and nothing seemed to happen. But when I began to pray, "Lord, change me," I started to see my kids in a different light.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

To start building your positive disciplinarian skills, try this little exercise. Think about the various activities involved in a typical gathering of your youth group. As you consider each part of the meeting, imagine how your youth group would look if every student were mature and cooperative. (Am I asking the impossible?) Picture what the group is like when every single youth is motivated and responsible. Once you envision how you would like young people to participate in activities, you are on your way to teaching young people to meet your positive expectations.

Gordon MacDonald explains that there are two ways to paddle a canoe through white water. You can wait until you get into the rapids to decide what you're going to do, but you'll probably end up falling into the water. The other way is to keep your eyes 50 yards downstream, picking your route in advance so you know exactly how you're going to act before you get there. Many adult youth leaders make the mistake of never planning ahead not thinking about what kind of young people they hope to produce.

When I was younger, I was taught that if you have high expectations of young people, you'll always be disappointed. But that's not necessarily true; in fact, it often works just the opposite way. When people know you have high expectations of them, they have more incentive to perform well. This fact is supported by a study cited by Warren Bennis in The Unconscious Conspiracy: Why Leaders Can't Lead. Bennis refers to a study of schoolteachers that concluded that when teachers held high expectations of their students that alone was enough to cause an increase of 25 points in the students' IQ scores.

It was Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, "Our chief want in life is someone who will make us do what we can." Our job as adult youth leaders is to give kids confidence God is working in and through them. Always remember you are dealing with ordinary kids in the hands of the extraordinary God. We need to communicate to young people that we have confidence in them.
Unfortunately, our words sometimes communicate the exact opposite. Learn to avoid these and other negative words and phrases which tend to discourage young people:
"Let me finish that for you.""You are too slow.""I'm ashamed of you.""There isn't any excuse for this.""Can't you do anything right?""Did you mess that up again?""When will you ever learn?""What's the matter with you?"

It's odd how constant fault finding can make a young person deaf. He learns to turn off the criticism because he knows what type of comments he is going to hear. If you are given to blaming, ridiculing, teasing, or sarcasm, then stop it. No one likes this kind of behavior. Fault finding is self-defeating; when you have a legitimate criticism, the young person is unlikely to heed it. He has heard too many picky statements he knows were not valid. Fault finding does not usually change a person's behavior on a long-term basis. It may sometimes produce immediate results, but lasting results are rare.

Remember that every one of your kids is a mixture of good qualities and bad ones. If you tend to label your young people--each student is either motivated or lazy, smart or dumb, charming or challenging--you minimize who they all are as individuals. Try to see all the kids you work with as real people with both positive and negative qualities. Then you can help them overcome the negative while building on the positive qualities. We need to treat our kids in ways that reflect our highest expectations of all they are and all they can become.
Some adult youth leaders never expect their young people to amount to much, and those leaders are seldom disappointed. But when you believe in your kids, they'll rise to your expectations. Don't stifle their desire to succeed by telling them they can't. Instead, let your positive attitude rub off on them.

**
Les Christie has spent more than forty years in youth ministry, including more than twenty years in the same church. An energetic speaker, Les also chairs the youth ministry department at William Jessup University. He's the author of more than a dozen books and lives in California with his wife, Gretchen, where he no longer has to discipline his two grown sons, Brent and David.
Learn more about and purchase "When Church Kids Go Bad" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=431
*Save 30% off the retail price of "When Church Kids Go Bad" when you use Coupon Code YPN192 and order by 1/28/09.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Sociologists: Few Teens Sexting [Marketwatch]http://www.marketwatch.com/news/story/sociologist-few-teens-sexting/story.aspx?guid={2EB53DE3-6362-49ED-B4CA-8D81DB2D87F0}&dist=msr_1
Text Messaging Tips for Parents and Educators [Barking Robot]http://www.debaird.net/blendededunet/2009/01/text-messaging-tips-for-parents-educators.html

3. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- detagging = process of disassociating yourself with a picture posted on Facebook

4. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression."~ Haim Ginott

copyright 2009 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Movie Review

2009-01-06T16:59:00.000-05:00

Check out the movie review on, "The Day the Earth Stood Still" at:

http://www.thejournalofstudentministries.com/articles/180/1/Movie-Review-The-Day-the-Earth-Stood-Still/Page1.html

Why, when, and how

2008-12-23T10:59:00.000-05:00

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
For our last newsletter in 2008, Jim Hancock shares how to open up dialogue with your teen by simply asking what, why, and how.
THE THREE BEST QUESTIONS
The three best questions I know are explorations of what, why, and how:
- Talk about what you think is important.
- Talk about why you think it's important.
- Talk about how you think that changes things.
I like these questions because they're honest. They're not meant to persuade or challenge or compel; they're meant to clarify.
Asking what, why, and how questions is an offer to pay attention to another person's perceptions, thoughts, ideas, hopes, and intentions. If you can get honest answers to these three questions, you'll know where things stand with the other person and you'll have an idea of what to do next.
Begin with any human experience--a movie, a sermon, a song, an argument, a book, an accident, an aha!, a success, a failure, a passage from the Bible, a discovery...anything at all. Then ask, "Tell me what you think that was. What just happened?"
Don't get hung up on the wording; there's more than one way to ask what.

What? = What do you think happened? = What stood out for you? = Did anything surprise you? = Describe it to me. = Tell me about it...
Whatever words you use, what questions invite a person to describe her own perceptions of an experience. It really doesn't matter what experience; what matters is hearing her describe it (so you don't just assume, or guess, or wish). The same is true for why questions.

Why? = So what? = Why is that significant to you? = Why do you think it happened? = Tell me more about that...
However you ask, the why question explores why, out of all possible meanings, did this one occur to you? The answer can tell you something you couldn't know if you didn't pose the question.
Asking why can be the catalyst for deeper reflection by the person on the receiving end of the question:
- Asking, "Why do you think you identified more closely with that character than the others?" invites reflection about empathy and compassion.
- Asking, "Why do you think you misunderstood that?" invites a person to consider why he heard something that wasn't said.
- Saying, "Talk about why you find that comforting" calls for self-assessment and invites self-disclosure.
And so it goes... These are all valuable considerations people--especially adolescent people--are not often encouraged to share in an emotionally safe context.

How is the money question because it clarifies what a person actually learned?
How? = Now what? = How do you plan to respond? = How will that make a difference? = How does that change things? = Tell me what you intend to do about that.

Kids who can answer how questions--especially if they follow through on their intentions to behave differently, to repeat a success, or to avoid a failure--have really learned something from their experience.

Simplicity is part of the beauty of this process. Once you learn to ask these questions naturally and unselfconsciously, you can help kids understand what you're doing and why. For the last couple of decades, I've urged kids to ask these three types of questions at the end of every reading assignment and class session--promising they'll raise their grade by half a point minimum. I have yet to hear from any dissatisfied customers.

Here's why I think this works: I think these three questions swing the spotlight around to where it belongs--so we can see the learner. We already have a pretty good idea what the teacher knows; it's right there in the presentation (whatever that may be). Transferring wisdom isn't merely a matter of making statements--what passes for teaching most of the time. Transferring wisdom depends on engaging students where they are and helping them take the next step toward where they need to go.
I've come to believe that people learn what they can learn--what they're prepared to learn--not what they're supposed to learn. Good teachers don't pour knowledge into people; good teachers create intriguing environments where learners find what they need to modify or build on what they've learned so far. As a teacher the best tool I have for that task is engaging kids in new experiences (of whatever sort) and then asking what, why, and how.

**
Jim Hancock invested two decades as a church-based youth worker. Now he spends his days in Leucadia, California, writing and creating digital movies and learning designs like "Raising Adults," "The Justice Mission," and the "Good Sex" curriculum for youth workers, parents, and adolescents.
Learn more and purchase "How to Volunteer Like a Pro" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=1845
*Save 30% off the retail price of "How to Volunteer Like a Pro" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNDC3. This offer expires 12/31/08.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Late to Launch: The Come-Home Kids [Palo Alto Online]http://www.paloaltoonline.com/news/show_story.php?id=10383
Teen Smoking Rates Decline [NY Times] http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/16/health/research/16smoking.html?_r=1&ref=health
U. Device Disables Cell Phones to Prevent Use While Behind the Wheel [Salt Lake Tribune]http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_11198256

3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
Flirting Goes High-tech with Racy Photos Shared on Cellphones [USA Today]http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/internetprivacy/2008-12-09-high-tech-flirting_N.htm
Falling Asleep in Class? Blame Biology [CNN] http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/12/12/sleep.teenagers.school/

4. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Mad skills = An incredible ability to jump high.
- No diggity = No doubt.

5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of the tires."~ Dorothy Parker

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Keeping your kids safe on the internet

2008-12-16T12:43:00.000-05:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Inside Your Teen's World
4. Learn Their Lingo
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========WISDOM ON...MUSIC, MOVIES & TELEVISION
We all love a good song, movie, or TV show. But not everything out there is good for us. This book won't tell students what they should not listen to or watch. Instead, this book is filled with principles to help them gain the wisdom needed to help them make wise choices about what they choose to be entertained by.
Learn more and purchase "Wisdom On...Music, Movies & Television" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=410
*Save 30% off the retail price of "Wisdom On...Music, Movies & Television" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNDC2. This offer expires 12/24/08.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
This week's newsletter features an article on Internet predators from Mark Matlock, founder of WisdomWorks Ministries. With popular media focusing on the topic through shows such as Dateline: To Catch a Predator, Matlock researched the latest information about online safety for kids. His findings just may surprise you. Editor's Note: We believed it is best for you to have this information in its entirety, rather than break it up into a short series of articles. As a result, this week's article is longer than normal. We hope you'll find the information helpful.

IS THE INTERNET FULL OF CHILD PREDATORS?
Recently on my PlanetWisdom blog (http://www.planetwisdom.com/marksblog/) I replied to a youth pastor's question about some Internet snooping software and my opinions about technologies that allow parents to spy on their kids.
I was rather shocked by the responses I received from angry parents questioning my judgment (mainly via email) and realized that either I was completely off-base in my response, or many parents are buying into a story about online safety without doing their homework.
So I did my homework and what I found was pretty interesting.
There is a small number of researchers who have been assessing the severity of online crime against children and adolescence. While any crime against a child is very serious, most researchers seem to agree that there is irrational fear over the dangers on the Internet. One study conducted with a grant from the Justice Department (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justice_department) has actually gone through two cycles of research to measure the changes from the year 2000 to 2005. Most of the research I will share with you was released between 2006 and 2008 and is the most current information I could obtain.
1. The media's portrayal of online predators is not consistent with what is actually happening.
The idea that sexual molesters are using the Internet to deceptively prey on youth is what most stereotypically comes to mind when we imagine an "online predator". While these incidents are indeed serious, they are not as frightening as the public has come to believe. While there are incidents of adults soliciting teens on the Internet, most were not done in the predatory manner the public has come to believe. Most online sexual solicitations happen to teenagers and originate from other teens and 20 somethings. Of those interactions where an adult was involved, the adult did not hide their age or use deception. Most were up front about their interest in some form of sexual engagement. Most teens involved in this behavior were participating in specific "at risk behaviors" and met other criteria (read the following report in footnote for more). The average teen not engaging in these behaviors were rarely engaged. The report also mentions that posting personal information is not in itself an at risk behavior. (1)
The research goes as far to indicate that talking generally to strangers online is not what puts kids at risk because teens who find themselves in these situations are looking for these kinds of encounters. In fact of those teens who had received an unwanted sexual solicitation 75% said they did not find it distressing and were not psychologically harmed. (2)
Dr. Finkelhor (http://www.unh.edu/frl/finkelhor/) who is a primary researcher in this field and an expert in matters of children and sexual abuse had this to say. "It turns out that the young people who are vulnerable to these kinds of crimes, they're going online looking for things they're not getting in their families and in their life. There needs to be information about this that's available on the Web and the places where these young people hang out. It is important for parents to have conversations about Internet safety, but those conversations should probably be less about giving out personal information and more about what to do if somebody starts to talk with them about sex, and how to deal with inclination to post sexy pictures of yourself or information about yourself that suggests an interest in a sexual relationship." (3)
2. From 1992 – 2008 there has been a 53% drop in sexual offenses against children. (4)
This goes far beyond the public perception of increased vulnerability and abuse of children. When you consider that the Internet grew during that twelve year span, it would appear that the Internet is not increasing the amount of abuse that is going on in our world. In fact, offline abuse still significantly outnumbers that which occurs online. When one considers that the vast majority of sex crimes against children and teens are committed by someone they know, probably going to church is more dangerous than interacting with someone online. (In fact, 44% of Internet sexual offenders were family members, and 56% were known to the victim offline (friends, neighbors, teachers, youth workers etc). The number of online incidents with a complete stranger are so rare they are statistically non-existent). (5)
3. What is clear is that children and teens are more likely to encounter "unwanted" sexual content when involved in the Internet.
There is some debate among the research as to how much of a threat this is compared to traditional forms of finding sexual material offline (i.e a fathers porn stash, or something shared by a friend). What is of note is that there has been a dramatic decline in "unwanted" exposure from 2000 to 2005 as laws and industry self-policing have are working to keep sexual material from reaching the eyes of minors. In fact the majority of incidents involved adolescents and the incidents of pre-pubescent solicitation of adult material was almost non-existent. But there is still a significant increased risk of a minor encountering unwanted sexual content on the Internet. (6)
WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM ALL OF THIS?
1. We need to be careful about what we believe.
As parents how we perceive the world around us greatly impacts how we parent. Much of the harm we do as parents is motivated by a desire to do the right thing, we just do it in the wrong way. My upcoming book and seminar titled "Real World Parents" (http://realworldparents.com) address this need to have an accurate understanding of culture as we seek to biblically guide our children toward spiritual maturity. Christians live in a marketplace that utilizes fear to sell books, fill conferences, and raise money. We need to be wary about any "data" we are given even by our trusted Christian leaders (read: "Evangelicals Behaving Badly with Statistics" by Christian Smith in Christianity Today. http://www.christianitytoday.com/bc/2007/001/5.11.html).
2. We need to realize that stranger danger is not the best safety message.
Most crimes against children occur by a family member or someone the child knows. Consider that out of the nearly 800,000 missing children reported last year only 115 were the victims of a complete stranger or someone the child only "slightly" knew! (7) Researchers claim the key to teaching our children about safety is helping them identify behavior that is unusual or improper from peers and adults be they strange OR familiar. Children also need to know what to do when they are experience these behaviors from others. Most strangers would definitely help a child in need, we don't want to scare them from this valuable source of help!
Bottom line: the best safety measure is being involved in the lives of your kids without violating their need to mature and become self reliant.
3. We don't want to live in fear, but the Internet does have a dark side so we need to be wise.
While I have been making a case that the Internet may not be the safety concern many might believe, this doesn't mean we shouldn't be careful as parents. Keep the computer in a public place, do not allow your kids to have passwords unknown to you, talk with your kids about their online interactions like you would other interactions they have throughout the day.
But please realize that 85% of school aged kids have access to the Internet outside the home and filters and monitoring software are easily worked around. Think of tools like these as very light protections that do not replace solid training. When my kids were little I didn't let them play with bottles of poison, but I didn't trust a child safety cap either. I taught them the dangers of these products so even if they came in contact with them, they would know what to do.
What is more, if your children are involved in questionable online behavior, your family (not just the child in question) probably need to seek professional counseling. The studies show that most teens who engage in dangerous Internet behaviors are doing so as a result of problems and unmet needs at home. This is not a time to be proud. Get the help you need.

4. Be aware that research is showing that online interactions are actually good for your kids.
You may not get it as a parent, but the evidence is giving online activity a thumbs up. It won't be long and your kids will be armed with this data too! Celebrate the positives of the Internet.
Researchers, including participants from University of California-Berkeley and University of Southern California, conducted interviews, studied diaries, convened focus groups and collected nearly 10,500 profiles on sites such as Facebook and Neopets. The $3.3 million study, funded by the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, found that youths use online networks to extend friendships, acquire technical skills, learn from each other, explore interests and develop expertise. This all takes "ongoing maintenance and negotiation."
In what researchers call "hypersocial" behavior, media at the fingertips enable teens to always be connected. And instant messaging, text messages and Facebook have changed dating as well: Couples "telecocoon," creating a full-time intimate community even while physically apart.
As for mere socializing, "It is not a waste of time for teens to hang out on-line," said Mizuko Ito, a professor at the University of California-Irvine and lead researcher for the study "Living and Learning with New Media." Kids on-line, the study said, are learning to be "competent citizens in the digital age." (8)

FOOTNOTES AND SOURCES
1. Online "Predators" And Their Victims, Myths, Realities, and Implications for Prevention and Treatment 2008 by the American Psychological Association 0003-066X/08/$12.00 Vol. 63, No. 2, 111–128 DOI: 10.1037/0003-066X.63.2.111
2. David Finkelhor, Kimberly J. Mitchell, and Janis Wolak. Online Victimization of Youth: Five Years Later. Alexandria, Virginia: National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, 2006
3. National Public Radio (NPR) February 20, 2008 Wednesday Day to Day 4:00 PM EST "The Online Predator Myth"
4. David Finkelhor and Lisa Jones (2008) Updated Trends in Child Maltreatment http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/Trends/index.html
5. David Finkelhor, Kimberly J. Mitchell, and Janis Wolak. Online Victimization of Youth: Five Years Later. Alexandria, Virginia: National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, 2006
6. Andrea J. Sedlak, David Finkelhor, Heather Hammer, and Dana J. Schultz. U.S. Department of Justice. "National Estimates of Missing Children: An Overview" in National Incidence Studies of Missing, Abducted, Runaway, and Thrownaway Children. Washington, DC: Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice, October 2002, page 5.
7. Kimberly J. Mitchell, Janis Wolak, & David Finkelhor. (2007). Trends in Youth Reports of Sexual Solicitations, Harassment and Unwanted Exposure to Pornography on the Internet. Journal of Adolescent Health, 40(2), 116-126.
8. San Jose Mercury News (California) November 20, 2008 Thursday "Chill out, parents: Time online teaches kids important skills, study finds", Sharon Noguchi Mercury News

**
Mark Matlock has been working with youth pastors and students for more than fifteen years. He speaks to hundreds of thousands of students around the world each year, and presents biblical truths in ways that motivate people to change. Mark's the founder of WisdomWorks Ministries, and writes for several magazines. He's the author of several books, including "What Does God Want From Me?," "Living a Life That Matters," "Don't Buy the Lie," and "Freshman." Mark lives in Texas with his wife, Jade, and their children, Dax and Skye.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Most Likely To Succeed [New Yorker]
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/12/15/081215fa_fact_gladwell?currentPage=all
Moody or Mentally Ill? Signs of Mental Illness in the Teen Years [Newsweek]http://www.newsweek.com/id/172031
Online Safety Tips for Tweens and Teens [OnGuardOnline.gov]http://www.onguardonline.gov/topics/safety-tips-tweens-teens.aspx

3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
Students research wind energy for senior project [Steamboat Pilot]http://www.steamboatpilot.com/news/2008/dec/07/teen_style_students_research_wind_energy_senior_pr/
Your kids weren't lying about jobs being bad for them... [Sydney Morning Herald]http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/child-employees-put-at-risk/2008/12/06/1228257383099.html

4. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Sexting = text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later
- Sexual encounter = that thing you and your spouse had before kids

5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings."~ Brian Tracy

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Learning the Skills of Friendship

2008-12-09T15:38:00.000-05:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Inside Your Teen's World
4. Learn Their Lingo
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========MY FAMILY
As your child moves towards becoming an adult, you have to work together to make it smooth transition. In "My Family," your child will get all kinds of secrets and tips that will help them be a better son or daughter, brother or sister, and show them how they can help to make your family even better.
Learn more about or purchase "My Family" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=230
*Save 30% off the retail price of "My Family" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNDC1. This offer expires 12/17/08.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
QUESTION: Our 6th grade son seems to have no real friendships. And I'm not even sure he wants them. Is this normal? Are there things my husband and I should be doing?
First, it's important to know that this is a very normal situation for a pre-teen or young teen boy. In fact, it has become substantially more common over the past decade. So, your son isn't "abnormal" on this one.
But, that doesn't mean it's a healthy situation. As a youth worker, it's been one of greatest new concerns I've had for my students in the last ten years. Boys, particularly (girls also, but to a lesser degree), are not learning the skills of friendship. Historically, I don't think we thought of children and teenagers as needing these skills – friendship just came naturally to them! But today's 10 – 14 year old is so often isolated, they've not learned the skills of friendship in their day-to-day lives.
Boys are naturally less expressive than girls (especially at this age). And our culture has told them "the strong, silent type" is a great male archetype. Even the U.S. Army, which, ironically has learned – out in the field – that soldiers can only succeed in teams, has been advertising this notion like crazy for a few years with their "Be an Army of one" campaign.
Add to these cultural notions the fact that today's pre- and young-teens have reaped most parents' desire to "cocoon", by having a house-full (or more likely these days, a bedroom-full) of toys intended for solo use: television, video-gaming systems, CD-players. Not that these things are all bad. But the fairly normal overuse of them has greatly contributed to this "loner" trend.
So, what can you do? Here are a few ideas:
- Encourage friendship groups. Often, the safest place for a boy to learn about friendship is in a group, not in a one-on-one friendship. Hopefully, one of the best places for this is in a healthy and active pre-teen or middle school program at your church. I know many parents who have chosen their church based on this factor alone!
- Service potential friendships. When you see any spark of potential friendship for your son, find ways to subtly encourage that spark. This doesn't mean talking about it like crazy! (that will only lead to retreat for most boys.) Instead, offer to drive them somewhere; suggest fun ideas for excursions and make them possible. Also, make sure you home is a "safe" place for your son to have a friend over: a place where he won't be embarrassed or treated like a little kid in front of his friends.
- Encourage your son, but don't nag. When your son spends time with a friend (or potential friend), say something positive – but keep it short and sweet. Lengthy speeches will feel like pressure or nagging, and will backfire on you.
- Pray like crazy!

**
Mark Oestreicher is the president of Youth Specialties (www.YouthSpecialties.com), the leading provider of resources and training for Christian youth workers. Marko speaks to parents, teens and youth workers around the world, and writes books (mostly for youth ministry and young teens). He lives in San Diego with his wife, Jeannie, and his two kids, Liesl and Max.
Learn more about or purchase "My Family" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=230
*Save 30% off the retail price of "My Family" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNDC1. This offer expires 12/17/08.
**
2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Are Kids Copying Their Parents When They Lie?http://nymag.com/news/features/43893/

3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
A site dedicated to connecting millennials to non-profits and activismhttp://millennials.change.org/
News for tweens, by tweenshttp://tweentribune.com/
Buy and sell handmade itemshttp://www.etsy.com/

4. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- All days = 24 inch rims for a car. "Did you see Jr. on them new 'all-days' he got?"
- Ball up = An exclamation stating the beginning of a basketball game. A statement clarifying that it is time to start or resume playing basketball now that everyone is ready.

5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"Seven days without laughter makes one weak."~ Mort Walker

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Twilight Movie Review

2008-12-03T11:11:00.001-05:00

The below movie review is taken from:
The Journal of Student Ministries - http://www.thejournalofstudentministries.com

Movie Review: Twilight
http://www.thejournalofstudentministries.com/articles/177/1/Movie-Review-Twilight/Page1.html
By Smitty Wheeler
Published on 11/25/2008

PG-13, 120 min.

Several years ago, I vaguely remember my tween-age daughter telling me about Twilight, a new book that she and her friends were reading. Mom had looked it over and assured me it was no big deal. Now, flash forward to opening night of the new big screen version of Twilight and I can tell you from being there, the words “Big Deal” are a HUGE understatement. At our nearest theater, young girls (and their moms) were in line two hours in advance of the theater doors opening and, on a national level, Fandango reported that they had been selling 5 Twilight tickets per second as of early Friday morning, “making Twilight online ticket-seller Fandango's fastest-selling film since The Dark Knight last July.” Yes, it’s a very big deal and the young ladies in your youth group will definitely be seeing this one.Overview: Twilight, while in many ways looking like your typical teen love story, definitely has some new twists. Klutzy, high school student Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) makes the move from her mom’s home in Phoenix, Arizona, to her dad’s in Forks, Washington. Her personality is that of a loner, but she quickly finds the students of her school reaching out to her since she’s “the new girl” in a town of just 3,000. The exceptions to this school wide outreach are the five teenage members of the Cullen family. These five pale, stunningly attractive students seem to have an unnatural magnetism and seem to be held in awe by the entire student body. Bella is drawn to Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) who shares the attraction but initially keeps his distance. The reason, we soon discover, is that Edward and his “family” are really vampires who've chosen to live as part of the human world. While they call themselves "vegetarians" because they only drink the blood of animals, we learn there is still a relentless hunger for human blood. So, as Edward is drawn to Bella romantically, he knows he should keep his distance because of the temptation she presents to the blood-thirsty monster inside him.
Is their forbidden love worth the danger?
Teachable Moments: There are a number of opportunities throughout the movie where you could discuss resisting temptation, including:
-Edward at first fighting his temptation to attack Bella, then his chivalrous desire to set physical boundaries for them. Don’t we as Christians have to set boundaries to avoid temptations?
-The contrast between how Edward resists the thought of making Bella like him and how Bella is completely willing to give herself to him and become a vampire so that she can be with Edward forever.
-The Cullen family making the moral choice to try and live their lives as mortals instead of exercising their ability to dominate those around them.
-The Cullen’s willingness to put themselves in danger to save Bella when she is threatened by marauding (non-vegetarian) vampires.
- There is a very interesting line in the movie, "Death is easy, life is harder." What does that really mean in our walk with Christ?
Viewer Discretion: Obviously this is a movie about vampires, which in and of itself, can be a problem for some Christians. In this movie, they are not representative of demons but are more a tool to set the stage for the forbidden love interest. The word hell and God's name are used a few times. The violence is primarily limited to one vampire fight scene where two vampires fight over Bella and then three of the “good” vampires join in and seem to “break the neck” of the bad vampire. We don’t see much, although they say they will need to “tear him apart and burn the pieces." There is some sensuality when Edward and Bella end up on her bed and get too carried away with their kiss. Edward retreats but then Bella and Edward spend a night—fully clothed and on top of the covers—next to each other on her bed. Finally, a mother asks her daughter if she's "being safe" immediately after hearing there's a boy in the picture.
General Appeal: If your kids are fans of the book Twilight, they’ll probably be thrilled at the movies release and will have seen it before you read this. It also goes without saying that tween and teenage girls will love this movie. From the screams as each character was introduced to the swooning as we first peered deeply into Edwards eyes, these girls were hooked.Most of the scattered boys (and Dad’s) in the audience were probably there because someone made them. However, as the credit rolled, they just may have come away with a greater appreciation of the movie than they originally thought they would.

The Final Grade: Entertainment value- C Ministry value- B

********************************************************************************************
-Below is taken from Youth Specialties

INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
Study: Many Young People Want To Do Their Banking Over IMhttp://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20081118-millennials-driving-tech-adoption-in-financial-industry.html
Saying Goodbye to “TRL” http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081117/ap_en_ot/music_trl_finale

LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Thrash = v. To win some form of competition by a large margin. “Dude, I thrashed Robert on the court!” 2. v. To harm, or to harshly disrespect someone or thing. 3. n. A style of metal rock music.
- Kicks = shoes

A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"I don’t believe professional athletes should be role models. I believe parents should be role models…"~ Charles Barkley
*********************************************************************************************

Discipline and your teen

2008-11-19T17:54:00.000-05:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Learn Their Lingo
4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor
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Find the Parable store nearest you or shop online at Parable.com. http://www.parable.com/parable/
===========our sponsor===========IT'S A DIRTY WORD...BUT SOMEBODY'S GOT TO DO IT!
In this practical book, youth ministry veteran Les Christie will help you take a positive approach to discipline when it becomes necessary. "When Church Kids Go Bad" will:
- Reveal the reasons behind problem behavior and show you how to take a positive approach to discipline
- Teach you how to use rules and consequences effectively
- Help you evaluate your strengths and weaknesses in discipline situations (and improve your areas of weakness)
- Give you dozens of specific, practical, helpful ideas you can use immediately with your students
Learn more about and purchase the book "When Church Kids Go Bad" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=431
*Save 30% off the retail price of "When Church Kids Go Bad" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNNV3. This offer expires 12/3/08.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
POSITIVE VS. NEGATIVE DISCIPLINE
Discipline that focuses primarily on punishment as a way to get a teen to behave properly is what's often called "negative discipline." A negative disciplinarian threatens, frightens, snarls, growls, bristles, and becomes just plain nasty in order to persuade young people to behave. Even if this kind of external pressure gets immediate results, when the pressure lets up, so does the person's response. Negative discipline usually backfires.
Negative discipline can destroy a young person's sense of being loved and wanted. It can leave him feeling insecure and worthless. Negative discipline implies getting even, retaliation, vengeance, and exacting a penalty. Of course, all these dangers are increased whenever negative discipline is cruel, unreasonably severe, or prolonged.
Guilt is another common motivator in negative discipline. But using guilt to get your teen to do something is destructive. Guilt is a tremendously difficult feeling to carry around inside. And even if your teen does change her behavior because she feels guilty, she will resent it; that resentment, coupled with feelings of guilt, can produce intense feelings of anger.
Negative discipline can help control some behavior by establishing an avoidance response. But negative discipline alone never teaches young people to be responsible, motivated, and cooperative. Any improved behavior due to negative discipline simply means the young person has realized that, in this situation, the cost of negative discipline outweighs the benefits of misbehaving. The young person may change the way she behaves, but not change the way she wants to behave.
I've heard that you can train fleas. Apparently, if you throw some fleas in a jar and put the lid back on, for a few minutes you will hear a popping noise. The fleas will jump from the bottom to the top, and their little bodies will crash against the lid for a few minutes. Eventually, they will get wise and won't jump as high--they'll jump to a height just beneath the lid. (After a while, even a flea realizes hitting its head on the lid isn't much fun). After a few hours of this, you can unscrew the lid, and the fleas won't jump out. They have the ability to jump higher than the top of the jar. But something tells them if they jump too high there will be pain. In the same way, negative discipline may make a teenager behave the way you want him or her to just to avoid pain. But inside, nothing has changed.
The problem with negative discipline is that it's effective only as long as the threat hangs over an individual's head. Negative discipline does not teach the long-term benefits of changing behavior. When the threat of negative discipline has been removed, people are likely to resume their inappropriate behavior again. Consider how people tend to drive when they know a police officer is sitting beside the freeway with a radar gun. As long as that police car is visible, most people will carefully stay within the speed limit. But some of those same people are willing to drive at unsafe speeds if the police aren't visible and they think they can get away with it. Negative discipline procedures make the parent a police officer.
Negative discipline may curb some unacceptable behavior. But negative discipline in itself does not teach or motivate a young person toward more desirable behavior. It tells a young person what not to do--it doesn't tell him what to do. Consider our prison system. If punishment were effective in teaching people better behavior, then nearly anyone released from prison after several years of incarceration would go straight from then on. But a recent study showed that more than two-thirds of released prisoners were arrested again within three years. Of course, there are all kinds of reasons why someone who has been imprisoned is more likely to end up there again. But that doesn't change the basic fact that imprisonment merely keeps a person off the street for a period of time; it does very little to encourage rehabilitation or true changes in thinking and behavior.
On the other hand, positive discipline involves a combination of encouragement, consistency, fairness, and high expectations to train young people. A positive disciplinarian uses words, deeds, or circumstances to develop maturity in the young person--which is the ultimate goal. (See Colossians 1:28.) Your task is to prepare, disciple, and train your teen to serve God with their lives, to bring them to maturity, wholeness, and completeness in Christ. Through positive discipline, we develop mature young people who know them, accept themselves, and control themselves.
Positive discipline is more an attitude and atmosphere than an action. It is a tool, not a weapon. It is an expression of love, not anger. Discipline in the true biblical sense is positive and encouraging--in fact, it's even proof of love.
**
Les Christie has spent more than forty years in youth ministry, including more than twenty years in the same church. An energetic speaker, Les also chairs the youth ministry department at William Jessup University. He's the author of more than a dozen books and lives in California with his wife, Gretchen, where he no longer has to discipline his two grown sons, Brent and David.
Learn more about and purchase the book "When Church Kids Go Bad" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=431
*Save 30% off the retail price of "When Church Kids Go Bad" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNNV3. This offer expires 12/3/08.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Later School Start Times Could Be Beneficial for Teens [Minneapolis Star Tribune]http://www.startribune.com/local/east/34441034.html
Teens to Spend $312 on Consumer Electronics in the Next 6 Monthshttp://www.marketwatch.com/news/story/CEA-Study-Shows-Nearly-Half/story.aspx?guid={0ECCC629-8DF8-494A-9772-D0393F5DD5BE}

3. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Federal = against the law, or not right. "Yo, I ain't stealing that money, that's federal!"
- Parlayin = v. relaxing and communicating, like sitting and talking to a female. "Check out Reggie parlayin with Shana."

4. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it."~ Buddy Hackett

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Your teen....self-centered? Nah!

2008-11-13T17:48:00.000-05:00

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
This week's article is a continuation of the Growing Up, Preteen series by Mark Oestreicher. This week Mark helps parents understand and cope with preteen self-centeredness.
QUESTION: Why is my pre-teen suddenly so self-centered? It seems like she thinks the whole world revolves around her!
This is an almost universal issue with pre-teens and young teens. Consequently, the frustration parents and youth workers experience is also almost universal! Kids who were, just months ago, generous and outward-focused turn into themselves and become seemingly obsessed with themselves and incapable of noticing others.
EVERYTHING'S ABOUT ME!
Self-centeredness is a natural fungus on the tree of development. Your pre-teen might still have a shred of others-focus; but it will disappear soon! The almost-crazy amount of change going on in the lives of young teens (11 – 14 year olds), draws every remaining bit of noticing others in on itself. All young teens (and older pre-teens) see themselves at the center of the universe.
For example: if you walk across the back of a crowded lecture room (say, church), you will try to be quiet as to not distract – but you won't assume people paying attention and facing the opposite direction are noticing you. Not so with young teens. In the same situation, they'll assume that everyone in the room is watching them (apparently through the back of their heads!) and evaluating their every move.
This self-centeredness is natural, but that doesn't mean parents should just ignore it. There are many ways to counter this; but I've found that the absolute best antidote is experience – experience that forces their attention off of themselves. Give them experiences serving others in need (through a day helping at a soup-kitchen, or a family mission trip, or other service projects). For a pre-teen, this establishes a pattern of noticing others needs. For a young teen, it can create a small opportunity for noticing that the world is more than them (and that will work like yeast, spreading into their worldview).
EVERYTHING'S NOW!
A related issue is how "in the moment" pre-teens and young teens seem to live. If you ask their favorite movie of all time, they'll answer the one they saw last week. They don't have a sense of the past (and I'm talking about their own past, not anything grander than that!), and often don't have a sense of the future either.
Think of it this way: as an adult, you're making decisions on the road of life. And you can look in the rear-view mirror and see the long straight-away behind you, including the choices of life. You can look at the long straight-away ahead of you, and get a sense of what's to come. But preteens and young teens are on a sharp curve in the road of life (the curve of transition and developmental change). The rearview mirror doesn't show much; and the front view is a blind curve.
This can be maddening for parents. Ask speculation questions about the future to help your child begin to see more of the road (he won't naturally do this on his own). Share your own thoughts about the future (as well as the past).
And remember, the curve in the road – with its self-centeredness and "all is now" perspectives – will pass. This is the normal stuff of preteen development – and it's the plan God designed for your child to go through at this time of life!
**
Mark Oestreicher is the president of Youth Specialties (www.YouthSpecialties.com), the leading provider of resources and training for Christian youth workers. Marko speaks to parents, teens and youth workers around the world, and writes books (mostly for youth ministry and young teens). He lives in San Diego with his wife, Jeannie, and his two kids, Liesl and Max.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Prescription Drug Abuse Still a Big Problemhttp://news10now.com/content/all_news/127560/local-teens-using-prescription-drugs-in-schools/Default.aspx
Riding the Highs and Lows of Teenage Faith Developmenthttp://fulleryouthinstitute.org/2008/11/riding-the-highs-and-lows-of-teenage-faith-development/

3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
Holiday Shopping Preview and Forecasthttp://gendigital.typepad.com/gendigital/2008/11/holiday-shopping-preview-forecast.html
UK Kids and Teens Communicate Nonstophttp://www.emarketer.com/Article.aspx?id=1006721

4. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Cheezin' = Smiling
- Dropped the dime = Told on someone

5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"When we choose to be parents, we accept another human being as part of ourselves, and a large part of our emotional selves will stay with that person as long as we live. From that time on, there will be another person on this earth whose orbit around us will affect us as surely as the moon affects the tides, and affect us in some ways more deeply than anyone else can. Our children are extensions of ourselves." ~ Fred Rogers

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Slow down! Whew!

2008-11-06T14:27:00.000-05:00

FOR PARENTS
INCREASING SLOWNESS
When my children were young, track meets filled part of each week during the spring. One particularly hot spring day, I attended a junior high track meet, arriving in the middle of the boys' 1500 meter race. During the last lap of the race, the audience stood, cheering two boys running side-by-side for the final fifty meters. A short distance behind them ran a pack of about four or five boys jockeying for third place. The crowd broke into applause for the first and second-place finishers, and then crescendoed as the pack fought for third place.
Another runner suddenly caught my attention. As I looked down the track, I saw one boy lagging far behind. Poor kid. The portly seventh grader struggled for each breath, his face red and sweaty, the main artery in his neck bulging and throbbing to supply oxygen to his deprived muscles.
Suddenly the woman to my left stepped over me and rushed down to the railing overlooking the track--obviously the boy's mother.
She screamed, "Johnny, run faster!"
I wish you could have seen the incredulous look on the boy's face. He had to be thinking, Mom! I'm running as fast as I can!
Spiritual growth does not happen by running faster.
What keeps many of us from growing is not sin but speed.
Most of us are just like Johnny. We are going as fast as we can, living life at a dizzying speed, and God is nowhere to be found. We're not rejecting God; we just don't have time for him. We've lost him in the blurred landscape as we rush to church. We don't struggle with the Bible, but with the clock. It's not that we're too decadent; we're too busy. We don't feel guilty because of sin, but because we have no time for our spouses, our children, or our God. It's not sinning too much that's killing our souls, it's our schedule that's annihilating us. Most of us don't come home at night staggering drunk. Instead, we come home staggering tired, worn out, exhausted, and drained because we live too fast.
Speed is not neutral. Fast living used to mean a life of debauchery; now it just means fast, but the consequences are even more serious. Speeding through life endangers our relationships and our souls.
Voices surround us, always telling us to move faster. It may be our boss, our pastor, our parents, our wives, our husbands, our politicians, or, sadly, even ourselves. So we comply. We increase the speed. We live life in the fast lane because we have no slow lanes anymore. Every lane is fast, and the only comfort our culture can offer is more lanes and increased speed limits. The result? Too many of us are running as fast as we can, and an alarming number of us are running much faster than we can sustain.
Speed damages our souls because living fast consumes every ounce of our energy. Speed has a deafening roar that drowns out the whispering voices of our souls and leaves Jesus as a diminishing speck in the rearview mirror.
Spiritual growth is not running faster, as in more meetings, more Bible studies, and more prayer meetings. Spiritual growth happens when we slow our activity down. If we want to meet Jesus, we can't do it on the run. If we want to stay on the road of faith, we have to hit the brakes, pull over to a rest area, and stop. Christianity is not about inviting Jesus to speed through life with us; it's about noticing Jesus sitting at the rest stop.
While the church earnestly warns Christians to watch for the devil, the devil is sitting in the congregation encouraging everyone to keep busy doing "good things." I just received a letter from a woman minister who was on the edge of crashing and burning. She and her family had joined a growing, active church and quickly volunteered to help. But two years later, she realized that her entire family was speeding by each other in unrestrained zeal to lead one activity or another at church every week.
"Run faster!" this woman's church bulletin screamed, but the only way she could save her soul from death was to slow down, which meant finding a new job.
Sin does not always drive us to drink; more often it drives us to exhaustion. Tiredness is equally as debilitating as drunkenness. Burnout is slang for an inner tiredness, a fatigue of our souls. Jesus came to forgive us all of our sins, including the sin of busyness. The problem with growth in the modern church is not the slowness of growth but the rushing of growth.
Jesus came to give us rest.
We know we are ready for God to work in our lives when we're tired. When our lives begin to weigh us down, God is present in the heaviness. It turns out that it's weariness that's next to godliness, because when our souls are tired, we are able to hear his voice, and according to Matthew 11:28, what he's saying is, "Come. Rest."
The ugly truth, however, is that many of us do not knowhow to rest!
Actually, we do know how to rest; we simply refuse to rest. Rest is a decision we make. Rest is choosing to do nothing when we have too much to do, slowing down when we feel pressure to go faster, stopping instead of starting. Rest is listening to our weariness and responding to our tiredness, not to what is making us tired. Rest is what happens when we say one simple word: "No!" Rest is the ultimate humiliation because in order to rest, we must admit we are not necessary, that the world can get along without us, that God's work does not depend on us. Once we understand how unnecessary we are, only then might we find the right reasons to say yes. Only then might we find the right reasons to decide to be with Jesus instead of working for him. Only then might we have the courage to take a nap with Jesus.
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
1. What do you, as a parent, need to say "no" to in order to slow down?
2. What do you need to help your child say "no" to help them slow down?

**
Mike Yaconelli was the co-founder of Youth Specialties. He spent 43 years of his life in ministry to youth, and 20 years as a pastor of a small church in Yreka, California. He wrote dozens of books for youth ministry. Before Mike passed away in October of 2003, he also wrote "Devotion" for students.
Learn more about and purchase the book, "Messy Spirituality" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=366
*Save 30% off the retail price of "Messy Spirituality" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNNV1. This offer expires 11/19/08.
**

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Save the Date!

2008-10-29T14:27:00.000-04:00

Youth Events for 2009

JANUARY
January 3rd – co-ed paintball day for canned food (there will be a canned goods donation instead of a field fee.) January 4th – all weekly youth events start back up.
January 17th – Local Mission Trip at the Rescue Mission Center in Winston Salem.
January 18th – No Youth.
January 25th – United Methodist District Youth Rally Concert 2:30-5:30 PM.

FEBRUARY
February 1st – Chili Bowl Youth Fundraiser and Super Bowl Party!
February 6-8th – Sr. High at UM ski trip and concert in Boone.
February 8th – No Youth; returning from a youth trip.
February 13-15th – Jr. high at UM ski trip and concert at Lake Junaluska.
February 15th – No Youth; returning from a youth trip.
February 21st – Winter Jam in Greensboro.
February 25th – Ash Wednesday – all youth encouraged to go to this special service.

MARCH
March – Girls Night Out and Dude’s Night Out weekend events for Jr. high’s and one weekend for sr. high’s.

APRIL
April 5th – Easter Party and special programming.
April 9th – Maundy Thursday Church Service at 7 PM.
April 10th – Youth Cross Walk followed by special service 6 -8 PM.
April 12th – No Youth – Easter Sunday. Special church services at 7 AM, 8:45 AM, 10:00 AM & 11:00 AM.

MAY
May 3rd – Youth attending Church Picnic at 4 PM (we’ll bus them over and have youthy stuff there).
May 10th – Youth encouraged to spoil their Mama’s for Mother’s Day. (No youth meeting on this day.)
May 15-16th – Graduating Senior Beach Trip.
May 24th – No Youth, Memorial Day Weekend.
May 31st – Last evening of The Shade for the semester.

JUNE
June 7th- Graduating Senior Banquet/Roast 5:30- 7 PM. (Lovingly put together by the youth.)
June 14-21st – Wilderness Trail.
June 21-27th – Service project – help with church VBS.
July 3-12th – Sr. high Mission Trip to Indian Reservation in Oklahoma.
July 16-20th – Sr. high Rafting Camp.
July 26-31st – Jr. high Mission Trip to Savannah, Georgia.

AUGUST
August 8-10th or 15-17th – SpiritUs.
August 30th – Promotion Sunday – everyone moves up a grade in Sunday School and youth programs.
August 30th – Youth Starts up again!

SEPTEMBER
September 6th – No Youth, Labor Day Weekend.

OCTOBER
October 31-November 1st – Jesus Rave Halloween Lock-in.

NOVEMBER
November - Girls Night Out and Dude’s Night Out weekend events for Jr. high’s and one weekend for sr. high’s.

DECEMBER
December 6th – Youth Christmas Party.

Other dates such as local missions and Fall and Winter retreats TBA.

Make it "stick" for test scores?

2008-10-23T12:21:00.000-04:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Learn Their Lingo
4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========DISCOVER HOW TO PRAY GOD'S WILL FOR THEIR LIVES
It's never been tougher to be a teenager--or the parent of one. Thankfully, from your teen's first date to the next time he or she borrows the car keys, you can take your concerns to God through prayer. Drawing on God's Word, "Praying the Scriptures for Your Teenagers" offers palpable help to pray about the stormy issues your teen faces.
Learn more about and purchase the book, "Praying the Scriptures for Your Teenagers" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=1851
*Save 30% off the retail price of "Praying the Scriptures for Your Teenagers" when you use Coupon Code YPNOT4 and order by 11/5/08.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
This week's article is a continuation of the Growing Up, Preteen series by Mark Oestreicher. Mark asks an important question for parents to consider...
GROWING UP, PRETEEN: CONTENT OR PROCESS?
What's more important to learn during pre-teen and young teen years: content or process?
This is a very important question for parents to consider, especially with the current trend toward a college--prep emphasis in school culture. School curriculum often teaches toward test scores. Even Christian schools, who are rarely involved in state testing, often focus on cramming content with an eye to college acceptance.
Many churches take a similar approach: load pre-teens and young teens with info during this formative age, in hopes that it will "stick" and become a guiding force in their lives.
Unfortunately, this is quite misguided.
Just prior to puberty (around 10 or 11 years-old), your child's brain does a wonderful thing: it grows an abundance of new connections. Like a massive infiltration of tree roots grasping for earth, these new connections between various parts of the brain open up a world of possibilities.
However, these new connections are only that: possibilities. There is no good way to use them all. So, those connections that get exercised and used end up forming a dominant part of the brain's function through the rest of life. And those connections that are used less, well, they'll always be used less.
What does this tell us? It's essential that the pre-teen and young teen years be about learning how to think. Process, "what if", and "why?" are critical. Discovery is the best learning mode (for spiritual learning or academic learning). If young teens exercise this part of their developing brains, it will positively impact their lifelong thinking, their spiritual growth (after all, spiritual stuff is abstract), their emotional health, their relational maturity, and their desire to continue growing and learning.
So, make room for "why?" and "what if?" Those are questions of speculation (a brand-new, but wimpy, ability for young teens). Encourage discovery. Don't be threatened by questioned values and boundary-pushing. This is the best stuff of early-adolescent brain development!

OUTSIDE-THE-BOX BOOK RECOMMENDATION"Not Much Just Chillin': The Hidden Lives of Middle Schoolers", by Linda Perlstein (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, New York)
I've just finished reading the most significant book about young teens written in a decade (in my opinion) – and I read them all. Linda Perlstein is an education editor for the Washington Post. But she took a year off her day-job, and weaved her way into the lives and homes and classrooms of the average public middle school kids Wilde Lake Middle School in Columbia, Maryland (a suburb of Washington, DC).
Perlstein writes as a journalist (not a researcher, nor a storyteller). But she warmly riddles the book with research and stories. Reading this book will give parents a wonderful extended glimpse into all the issues we only touch on in this column. Every parent of a current or future middle school student needs to read this book:http://www.amazon.com/Not-Much-Just-Chillin-Schoolers/dp/0345475763/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1224634943&sr=8-1
**
Mark Oestreicher is the president of Youth Specialties (www.YouthSpecialties.com), the leading provider of resources and training for Christian youth workers. Marko speaks to parents, teens and youth workers around the world, and writes books (mostly for youth ministry and young teens). He lives in San Diego with his wife, Jeannie, and his two kids, Liesl and Max.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
The National Parenting Center has many short articles written by child-rearing experts. http://www.tnpc.com/article/showcat.asp?n=7
Discovery Health: Teen Center – several articles dealing with teenage issues. http://health.discovery.com/centers/teen/takingrisks/risks.html

3. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- M&M = Alright, a little above mediocre. "Do you like that youth pastor?" "Yea, he's M&M."
- Shero = A female hero. "Superwoman is such a shero."

4. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television." ~ Erma Bombeck

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Growing Up Preteen

2008-10-18T08:09:00.000-04:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Learn Their Lingo
4. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========NEW GMC REALITY SHOW YOU CAN WATCH WITH YOUR KIDS!
REVOLVE: ROCKIN' THE ROAD debuts on Gospel Music Channel Friday, October 17 at 11pm ET/8pm PT Encore Saturday at 11pm ET/8pm PT
When four friends go on tour, real-life drama follows. Gather your whole family to see how the cast and crew of Revolve handle life on the road, and help teens across the country tackle their toughest issues. From dating to tattoos, it doesn't get more real than this:http://www.gospelmusicchannel.com/revolve
===========our sponsor===========THE PARENT YOU WANT TO BE
When it comes to parenting, who you are is more important than what you do. "The Parent You Want to Be" shows you how to select your top four or five "intentional traits" and pass them along to your children. It's a revolutionary approach that you won't find in any other parenting book.
Learn more about and purchase "The Parent You Want to Be" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=435
*Save 30% off the retail price of "The Parent You Want to Be" when you use Coupon Code YPNOT3 and order by 10/29/08.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
GROWING UP, PRETEENWelcome to the world of paradox!
If you have a preteen or a young teen living in your home, you gain a whole new appreciation for the concept of paradox. These wonderful kids completely embody every meaning of the word. In so many areas, they seem to be both one thing, as well as the polar opposite! (This can be quite maddening, and paradoxically, quite exciting!) It's all about transition, baby.
Here's a list of a few you might notice:

Young teens can be incredibly trusting, but will only listen to someone who's honest and transparent. Young teens (and especially preteens) don't have the jaded skepticism of their older teen brothers and sisters. They are very willing to trust – a wonderful characteristic that shouldn't be missed. This time of life is, in many ways, a last-stop refueling station into the long desert drive of adolescence. Take this opportunity to build on that trust, to show that your word is good.

At the same time, they are beginning to develop a more adult sense of the baloney-detection. If you want to be an example to your young teen, if you want to continue in a role of impacting their lives, it's essential that you do so through a commitment to honesty and vulnerability. This can be pretty tough, even threatening. When you're wrong, it's crucial that you admit it. If they sniff out insincerity or hypocrisy in your or your words, you'll quickly lose your place of leadership in their lives.

They'll catch less than you'd think, yet they're savvier than you'd expect. This is a tricky one, but so true! Because the life of a young teen is all about change (physical, intellectual, spiritual, emotional, psychological), they have a huge tendency to "in-one-ear-out-the-other" behavior. You've certainly experienced this! You explained to your daughter why a certain behavior is a bad choice, and two weeks later, she seems to have no memory of that discussion. Often that's because she really doesn't have a memory of that discussion!
But at the same time, young teens are developing a very savvy ability to see through charades, to understand when they're being marketed to, and to be aware of consequences. Often what happens with kids this age is that they are savvy enough to understand a situation, but not enough to apply it to their lives.

They want to be treated like adults, but have the opportunity to act like children. This has enormous implications. They're caught in an in-between world. They know where they want to go: they know they want to be treated like adults, to have more freedoms, to make more decisions on their own, to not be treated as if they were 4th graders. It's important to talk to young teens with an adult voice, and to begin the move to a come-alongside perspective.
But at the same time, they are still very much children, and need the opportunity to act that out, without pressure to grow up too soon. A girl may move out of her childhood music choices, but still love to play with Barbie dolls. Allow her to live in that place. A boy may desire to sit at the adult table at family gatherings, but still keep a childhood stuffed animal on his bed. Don't rush them into adulthood, but don't treat them like little kids anymore either.
Some are really young adults, while some are really children, and most are both. The reality is this: it's not that the young teen living in your home is either a child or a young adult (with some magic line being crossed at some point); it's that she's both, at the same time. Young teens aren't just in-between, they're in an overlap zone – childhood remains, while they've already stepped into the young adult world.
Living with paradox isn't easy! But it's not only the reality of the young teen years, it's somehow part of God's wonderful design for this transition to healthy independence and adulthood. Have fun!
**
Mark Oestreicher is the president of Youth Specialties (www.YouthSpecialties.com), the leading provider of resources and training for Christian youth workers. Marko speaks to parents, teens and youth workers around the world, and writes books (mostly for youth ministry and young teens). He lives in San Diego with his wife, Jeannie, and his two kids, Liesl and Max.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Ford's MyKey aims to help parents watch new drivershttp://www.freep.com/article/20081007/BUSINESS01/810070331/1002/BUSINESS
Cyberbullying Will Stop When Adults Level With Their Kidshttp://mashable.com/2008/10/04/cyberbullying-adults-kids/
3. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- AITR - Adult in the Room
4. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"We are the people our parents warned us about." ~ Jimmy Buffett

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Home, Green Home

2008-10-09T16:09:00.000-04:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Inside Your Teen's World
4. Learn Their Lingo
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========SERVE GOD BY SAVING THE PLANET
Our planet is no longer the paradise God created. In "It's Easy Being Green" teens will learn how to honor God in the choices they make and they'll begin to understand the impact those choices have on the environment. Seventeen-year-old Emma Sleeth will help your students see how they can make a difference at school, around the house, and all over the world.
Learn more about and purchase the book, "It's Easy Being Green" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=393
*Save 30% off the retail price of "It's Easy Being Green" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNOT2. This offer expires 10/22/08.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
This week's excerpt is from the book "It's Easy Being Green," by Emma Sleeth, written when she was 15 for teens. In this excerpt parents will learn ways to partner with their teens in greening their home.
HOME, GREEN HOME
I started recycling at a very young age.
Behind our house in Freeport there was a little path through the woods. The path led right to a parking lot that was located between our school and a little general store. And in that parking lot, there was a huge recycling receptacle--the kind we New Englanders call a "Silver Bullet." You know, it's one of those big metal containers with windows for different types of recyclable material--and usually a bit of graffiti on the outside.
That Silver Bullet was a beautiful thing.
When we were little, Clark and I used to race each other down the path. He always won. But I didn't care most of the time, because whenever our destination was that Silver Bullet, I was the real winner.
Panting, we would wait until no one was around, then Clark would boost me up to the "paper" window. I was small enough to wriggle through the opening into the little room carpeted by newspapers, cardboard boxes, and magazines. We had to go at just the right time: If it had just been emptied, there wasn't much in there and it was hard to climb back out; but if we went too late, not only was it hard to sift through all the contents but somebody might see me through the window. We also had to get there at the right time of day: Too early, and the sun wasn't high enough to shine through the little windows to illuminate my searches; too late, and people might dump paper on me as they brought their recycling during lunch break or after work.
With my brother keeping lookout, I would scrounge around among all the recycled paper, looking for two things: 1) interesting magazines we could cut pictures out of or use for origami paper, and 2) cereal box tops--the kind your school can get five cents for if you rip them off and bring them into the school office.
The school receptionist must have thought the Sleeth family did nothing but eat Cocoa Puff s all day. Actually, we never ate them--Mom always went for the healthy, granola-ish cereals that didn't have refundable box tops. But we managed to bring in many dollars worth of cardboard rectangles.
From our rather devious salvaging escapades as children, Clark and I learned a few things about recycling. We learned that cooperation is necessary for success: Yes, I did get stuck more than once when I tried to go in by myself. We also learned the truth of the old cliché: "One man's trash is another man's treasure." And finally, we learned that recycling often translates into money.
Recycling remains one of the most important things you can do at home to help care for the environment. If your family doesn't recycle, start now. At our house, we have four plastic tubs lined up in the pantry underneath the shelves: one for paper and cardboard, one for glass and plastic, one for steel cans, and one for aluminum cans. Some communities make recycling super-easy by offering curbside pick-up--you just set the recycling containers out with the trash cans. We need to take our materials to the recycling center, but we've found it's really not much extra effort. Whenever we need to run errands in Littleton, we take the first three bins to the center there. Whenever the fourth one fills up, we take it into the can refund center in St. Johnsbury. Recycling all these materials means we rarely have more than a paper bag full of garbage on the curb on trash day. Plus, there's the added bonus of being able to peruse the used book exchange at the recycling center whenever I go with Mom. One of my best Bible reference books came from the recycling center.
Composting comes right along with recycling. It makes so much sense. We have a pitcher that stays right by the sink to put food scraps in when we're doing the dishes or cooking. When the pitcher is full--usually about once a day--one of us will dump the contents on the compost pile by the side of our property. We've tried more complicated things like worms and different additives that are supposed to speed up the composting process, but we've found that our simple piles work just fine. Every few years, we just begin a new pile and add the decomposing material in the other pile to our garden. And because we take out the compost so often and clean out the pitcher each time, we've never had a problem with the food scraps getting smelly or attracting bugs. There's no lid, nothing added to the scraps to reduce odors--just quite a few apple cores and broccoli stalks that get taken out quite frequently.
There are so many things you can do around your own home to make it better for the environment. Some of the changes will require the cooperation of your family to maximize the impact, but you can start alone. Some of the changes may seem inconvenient at first, or too much like chores, but they can add so much to your life if you see them for what they really are: ways of honoring God and great opportunities to spend more time with your family working toward a common goal. Many of the changes will seem less onerous if you compare your lifestyle with those of teens living in areas of our world most severely affected by poverty and environmental problems. The worst "inconvenience" you encounter in trying to live a more earth-friendly life might seem like the height of luxury for teens in countries like Honduras or Haiti, who have to wonder if they have safe drinking water or clean air to breathe. And I'm willing to bet that a lot of the simple changes you can make around your house will also save money--money that you'd probably prefer to be giving to a charity or ministry rather than an electric company.
**
Emma Sleeth was fifteen years old when she wrote "It's Easy Being Green". As a junior in high school, she felt called to write about the biblical mandate to protect the environment--especially her generation's responsibility. She is a leader of the evangelical movement to prevent climate change. She learned about and developed her passion for environmentalism from her father, a doctor who wrote Serve God, Save the Planet: a Christian Call to Action. Now seventeen, Emma has received a scholarship to attend Asbury College. She and her family live in Wilmore, Kentucky.
Learn more about and purchase the book, "It's Easy Being Green" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=393
*Save 30% off the retail price of "It's Easy Being Green" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNOT2. This offer expires 10/22/08.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Teenreads.com offers reviews and info on the latest and most popular books for teens.http://www.teenreads.com/
Help teens stay safe as they begin drivinghttp://www.allstate.com/tools-and-resources/parent-action-plan.aspx

3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
Dating aggression is surprisingly common affecting 1 in 5 girls ages 14-18.http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/bigger-picture/articlegh.aspx?cp-documentid=10825470

4. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Screepy = A word made by the accidental combination of creepy and scary. It can be used in place of either word. "That is one screepy lookin' guy."
- Iced Out = wearing a lot of jewelry "Check out all that bling-bling, you're iced out!"

5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry." ~ Bill Cosby

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Dealing with Anger

2008-10-02T14:17:00.000-04:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Inside Your Teen's World
4. Learn Their Lingo
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========IT'S A DIRTY WORD...BUT SOMEBODY'S GOT TO DO IT!
In this practical book, youth ministry veteran Les Christie will help you take a positive approach to discipline when it becomes necessary. "When Church Kids Go Bad" will:
- Reveal the reasons behind problem behavior and show you how to take a positive approach to discipline
- Teach you how to use rules and consequences effectively
- Help you evaluate your strengths and weaknesses in discipline situations (and improve your areas of weakness)
- Give you dozens of specific, practical, helpful ideas you can use immediately with your students
Learn more about and purchase the book, "When Church Kids Go Bad" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=431
*Save 30% off the retail price of "When Church Kids Go Bad" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNOT1. This offer expires 10/15/08.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
This week's excerpt is from the book "When Church Kids Go Bad," by Les Christie. In this excerpt you'll explore some ways to handle anger--or even better, how to keep frustration from growing into anger. We've edited it a little to be less ministry-specific, since we know that parents, too, have to deal with angry teens (and may become angry themselves sometimes!).

PREVENTING MOLEHILLS FROM BECOMING MOUNTAINS
There are times when you'll get angry with your teen. That's the nature of this ministry. But here are a few dos and don'ts to help you prevent molehills of frustration from growing into mountains of anger:
Don't...
- Use a sarcastic tone or put kids down.
- Quit.
- Get into a power struggle.
- Humiliate.
- Ignore bad behavior.
- Be surprised at bad behavior.
- Do anything drastic until you listen a lot, think a lot, and pray a lot.
- Allow discussions to turn into destructive arguments.
Do...
- Pause before taking "official action." Always count to 10. Better yet, try 110.
- Admit your anger.
- Ask the person to talk with you privately.
- Speak firmly.
- Make it clear you expect good behavior.
- Enlist other adults for advice, help, prayer, and support.
- Intervene immediately when violent behavior occurs.
- Notice good behavior and tell the person.
- Cool off briefly before you discuss the problem with the person.
- Be specific about the behavior you object to.
- Apologize if you're wrong.
- Allow the person to save face.
- Demonstrate forgiveness to the person who made you angry.
- Share a prayer of thankfulness when the conflict is over and the problem resolved.
- Ask the person what course of action they think you should follow. (The "misbehaver" often has a good idea that will take care of the situation.)
When Young People Get Angry
Of course, it's not just adults who get angry. As [parents] we're dealing with kids who sometimes struggle to handle their own emotions. It's important to recognize the kinds of things we may do that can anger the young people we [live] with.
In his book "How We Make Our Kids Angry"(2007), Roger Cross suggests some primary ways adults make teens angry:
- Pressuring teens to be something they are not. Pushing, cajoling, nagging, or "guilting" kids into a particular life direction or career path without considering their wishes or dreams.
- Loving teens for what they do instead of who they are. Raising kids in a performance-based environment.
- Favoring some teens over others. When kids sense disparity, they become hurt and angry.
- Treating teens with disrespect. Violating kids' self-esteem through insults and humiliation.
Children often store up a great deal of anger because they do not have adequate means of releasing feelings of frustration, confusion, and helplessness. Teenagers, however, have greater opportunity and ability to release these charged feelings. The combined force of pent-up anger from the past and current anger sometimes causes teenagers to overreact.
Adolescent anger is often closely associated with the need to rebel or push away from parents and other authority figures. Energy from the anger is used to strengthen the pushing-away process. Angry reactions may also express a young person's need to gain a greater sense of control over her life. Although these emotions can be uncomfortable and often scary to deal with, they can be normal and healthy when handled appropriately.
But when such anger is mishandled, it can turn into rage, hostility, or resentment. Rage is anger that is so intense that it is beyond a person's control. Hostility is anger that is felt for a longer period of time and involves the wish or impulse to inflict pain or harm to the object of the anger. Resentment develops when a hurt or transgression is not confronted and forgiven.
Don't try to win an argument with an extremely angry young person. You can't--she will only get angrier. The young person needs to get the anger out before you can reason with her. She needs to get it out in a way that will not cause any damage. Don't let her repress it, or it will simply go underground and build.
Be thankful when a young person trusts you enough to let you see his anger. Try to stay calm as he pours out all his anger. After the anger is out, he will be emotionally drained and more open to your input. Be sure to affirm him by telling him you are proud that he didn't take his anger out in more aggressive ways.
Now Ask Yourself
1. How do you handle anger in your own life? What are some ways you can improve your ability to deal with difficult situations?
2. Make a list of positive ways to dispel anger.
3. How would you handle an extremely angry teenager?

**
Les Christie has spent more than forty years in youth ministry, including more than twenty years in the same church. An energetic speaker, Les also chairs the youth ministry department at William Jessup University. He's the author of more than a dozen books and lives in California with his wife, Gretchen, where he no longer has to discipline his two grown sons, Brent and David.
Learn more about and purchase the book, "When Church Kids Go Bad" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=431
*Save 30% off the retail price of "When Church Kids Go Bad" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNOT1. This offer expires 10/15/08.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Music Review: "Paper Planes" by M.I.A.http://www.planetwisdom.com/music/reviews/mia_paperplanes.php
Revolution Health: Parenting Teens & Preteenshttp://www.revolutionhealth.com/healthy-living/parenting/teens-preteens/index
3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
Bum Rap: The latest and perhaps most disturbing evolution of clothing with suggestive phrases on the backside, and what schools are doing about ithttp://www.newsweek.com/id/157223
The Secret Lives of Your Kids Onlinehttp://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26747108/
4. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Tina = Slang for Crystal Meth. "I'm looking for Tina"
- Troop = n. a long walk or trip. "Taco Bell? That's a troop and a half."
5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex." ~ Jack Handey

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Not afraid of the truth

2008-09-25T10:05:00.000-04:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Inside Your Teen's World
4. Learn Their Lingo
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========
PLANETWISDOM HAS BEEN TO THE MOVIES!
Understand these movies from a Christian worldview. These reviews make a great discussion guide to help your teen make wise media choices.
See PlanetWisdom movie reviews here:http://www.planetwisdom.com/movies/
===========our sponsor===========THE CORE REALITIES OF YOUTH MINISTRY
You mentor. You sweat. You pray...a lot. You speak about the Bible, lead discussions, and play the occasional crazy game. And you spend countless hours with students and some with their parents. But what drives you to do what you do? Mike Yaconelli lays out a blueprint to explain, drive, and define healthy youth ministry as he unpacks nine core realities crystallized from the popular, 100-city, YS one-day seminar called "the CORE."
Learn more about and purchase the book, "The CORE Realities of Youth Ministry" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=135
*Save 30% off the retail price of "The CORE Realities of Youth Ministry" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNSP4. This offer expires 10/7/08.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
This week's excerpt is from the book "The CORE Realities of Youth Ministry," by Mike Yaconelli. While written for youth workers, the concepts in this excerpt could easily be translated into family life as well as youth group life. These words will get you thinking about how you can encourage truth in your teen's life, in order for them to experience true freedom.
VERACITY SHOWS THAT TRUTH IS FREE.
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)
Truth flourishes in freedom. Rather than being locked in a prison or a tiny room that keeps it from life, God's truth roams free, getting into every aspect of life. When we walk in truth, we, too, become free. It releases us to the real world, to God's world. This freedom means that our lives are challenged; we are given blessings and responsibilities. In our lives, freedom means we are not afraid of untruth, so we tell the whole truth, and we experience the consequences of our choices. Students see and experience this freedom in our youth groups, and they are better prepared for the truth in their lives. Here's how that freedom might look.
1. Freedom means we are not afraid of untruth. When we walk in truth, we know we can trust it in all situations; we are not afraid to let it confront untruth. All ideas are welcome because we know truth will flourish and lead to Jesus. However, just because we are free to evaluate all ideas in light of truth doesn't mean we have to treat all ideas as equal. What it does mean is that we don't have to try to protect the truth by hiding it from those who want to analyze it. Freedom means we can show truth as it is and know that it will stand on its own.
2. Freedom means we tell the truth--the whole truth. We are free to tell even the not-so-nice parts: Jesus heals some, but doesn't heal all; the rain falls on the just and the unjust; Christianity causes great joy and great suffering; evil is real and vicious. We tell the whole truth, just like the Bible.
One part of the whole truth is that there are human elements in Scripture. The Bible is about people. People feel, cry, hurt, worry, doubt, panic, and fear, and we refuse to edit or doctor the text, to ignore the human aspect, to make it look good intellectually. For example, in John 21, Jesus appears to the disciples, and it's clear that the disciples are discouraged and depressed. It's great that Jesus came to earth; it's wonderful to know how much Jesus cared; but it's also important to know how difficult it was for the disciples to believe, just as it is for us.
The whole truth includes the rewards, too. Luke 24:13 describes two disciples who were walking along the road to Emmaus after the death of Jesus. Obviously, the two were depressed and lost as well. By the end of the story, though, their hearts were burning and their spirits were excited. There are times when the disciples hurt, and there are times when they delight in Christ's presence. The veracity of truth is that we can bounce from despair to happiness and back again.
3. Freedom means we experience the consequences of our choices. We may choose to jump from a building because the rush of the fall is what we want. The consequence is the crash at the bottom, and that may not be what we want. We can't have freedom of choice without consequence. Walking in truth has consequences, too. Life isn't lived in a philosophical vacuum, but in the trenches, and as we work there in truth, we make changes and are changed. What we do in this world matters.
Although warned, Peter betrayed Jesus, and he experienced the consequences. He felt alone angry with himself. He suffered with the memory of his betrayal for the rest of his life. However, Peter didn't choose despair; he chose to return to the Christ. This decision had consequences, too. One story about Peter's death indicates he was crucified upside down because he still felt the humiliation of his betrayal. Returning to Christ did not mean that Peter could eliminate the consequences of his betrayal; he continued to feel the pain of that moment until his death, but he did make another choice, and the consequences of that second choice reach beyond this world. We must be aware and remind our students that our decisions can change us in ways we aren't expecting.
**
Mike Yaconelli was the co-founder of Youth Specialties. He spent 43 years of his life in ministry to youth, and 20 years as a pastor of a small church in Yreka, California. He wrote dozens of books for youth ministry. Before Mike passed away in October of 2003, he also wrote "Devotion" for students.
Learn more about and purchase the book, "The CORE Realities of Youth Ministry" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=135
*Save 30% off the retail price of "The CORE Realities of Youth Ministry" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNSP4. This offer expires 10/7/08.
**
2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Movie Reviews: Find out about the latest movies from a Christian perspective at PlanetWisdom.comhttp://www.planetwisdom.com/movies/
Adolescent Development: Check out some great articles to help you understand and help your teen through adolescencehttp://www.youthspecialties.com/freeresources/articles/adolescent_development
3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
Report: Teens, Video Games, and Civicshttp://www.pewinternet.org/PPF/r/263/report_display.asp
Baggy Pants Ban "Unconstitutional," Rules US Judgehttp://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5ioneCGmNqFWu8xsXxFdAxwZZUZmg
4. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- a minute = A long time. Not just 60 seconds. "Dang! I haven't seen you in a minute, girl, where you been?"
- baby daddy = a male, often a boyfriend or an ex-boyfriend. Most often means the father of, or someone who provides for, a female's child. Derived from "he is my baby's daddy." "When my baby daddy get back, he'll bust you in your grill!"
5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect--But tell me the truth." ~ Shel Silverstein

Used with permission - copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

A perspective from a parent volunteer

2008-09-17T10:28:00.000-04:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Inside Your Teen's World
4. Learn Their Lingo
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========YES, YOU REALLY CAN GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS!
For many teens, the idea of getting along with their parents may seem like an oxymoron. Whether they get along with their parents most of the time or they seem to always be butting heads, "Wisdom On...Getting Along with Parents" can help teens understand both sides a little better and improve their relationship.
Learn more about and purchase the book, "Wisdom On...Getting Along with Parents" here.http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=432
*Save 30% off the retail price of "Wisdom On...Getting Along with Parents" when you use Coupon Code YPNSP1 and order by 9/17/08.
=================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
This week, our YS office manager and mother of two teenage boys shares how and why she spends her free time hanging out with and ministering to high school girls.
A PERSPECTIVE FROM A PARENT VOLUNTEER
Had you asked me five years ago what I'd be doing in 2008, volunteering in high school ministry would've been the last thing to enter my mind. It's funny how radically things changed after I decided to relinquish some control over my life to God.
Here I am now, a 50-plus-year-old mom of two teenage boys; one a recent high school grad, the other a freshman in high school. I vividly remember the first time I summoned the nerve to set foot in our high school youth room at church to pick up my son from a small group meeting. The room was noisy, chaotic, and brimming with enough testosterone to carry the men's basketball team through the Olympics. I felt like I'd stumbled into a foreign land. But several years later, this very same room now feels like home to me. It's funny how uncomfortable I felt there that night. I'm so thankful that God knows me better than I (thought) I knew myself.
I ventured into the world of high school ministry on the slow track. After several years of serving in women's ministry, I felt a prompting that some major transitions were in store for me that involved office ministry or some type of administrative work. About two-and-a-half years ago our high school and middle school pastors dropped by our women's ministry gathering to talk about various needs in student ministry. One of the projects was database entry. Well, that was right up my alley since I worked with databases every day at my law-firm job. It sounded great and fit right in with my busy lifestyle--they explained they only needed help during the summer, and I could work on the project at my own pace.
That summer as I entered information into the database, I also started praying for the students--and God started to change my heart toward the students in our church. I was inexplicably drawn to continue praying for them and our student ministry.
By the end of that summer I wanted to check out and consider--as crazy as it seemed--serving student ministry in a capacity that wasn't just behind the scenes. This was a radical change in mindset for me. My own high school years had been a painful experience, so it wasn't an age group I was naturally drawn to--but in retrospect, it's a ministry that God had prepared me for. In the fall I continued with database entry, and I mentioned to our youth pastor that I was open to ramp up my involvement in high school ministry. Soon I found myself assisting at the info desk during the Sunday morning services; I helped with event sign-ups, got to know many of the students that I'd been praying for during the summer, and met some of their parents as well. I got to know the students who served on the greeter's team, and we'd chat about what was going on at school and in the rest of their lives. I found that I really enjoyed hanging with the girls, hearing their stories--and I knew this crazy place of high school ministry had gotten hold of this 50-plus-year-old mom. I found purpose and joy in serving and in standing beside these students, the next generation of Jesus' followers.
I've shared some of my life story with these students, primarily within the context of our Sunday morning services and one-on-one conversations. I've driven to and from various events, phoned students and their parents, served ice cream, helped with various service projects, brought snacks, helped wash cars, entered the world of texting and teen culture, served as an adult volunteer at retreats, attended conferences and seminars on leadership and issues that impact teens, shared meals, coffee, smoothies, and co-led a girl's small group. I've prayed with the wonderful students who've captured my heart, and I've cried and laughed with them. But mostly, I've just been there for them.
As a parent, I've found so much joy in serving student ministries in my church. I'd like to challenge and encourage you to consider using your time and resources to invest in a kingdom-sized, God-led impact on the lives of your sons and daughters and their friends.
Why not call your youth pastor today and find out what you can do to help at your church or parish? Who knows what God can do with a willing heart of just one more parent in the youth ministry at your church?

**
Linda is the glue that holds Marko and Tic together and keeps the YS office running as smoothly as the YS office can run. Linda loves all things administrative, an obvious carryover from her previous career as a senior paralegal for a major international law firm.
Linda has been married to her husband Kevin for 25 years, and they have two wonderful teenage sons, Kyle and Brian, and a small menagerie of not so small household pets. When Linda's not at YS or at home, you can probably find her at Journey Community Church where she volunteers in high school ministry, serves on the prayer team and co-leads a small group for high school girls.
**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Young Adults and Liberals Struggle With Moralityhttp://www.barna.org/FlexPage.aspx?Page=BarnaUpdateNarrowPreview&BarnaUpdateID=315
Living in a "Porn is the Norm" Culturehttp://cpyu.org/Page.aspx?id=219124

3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
Channel 4 and Bebo Launch a Social Action Website Aimed at Teenshttp://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/sep/01/channel4.bebo
With the teen suicide rate increasing, the cause is becoming the focal point:http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122038021590991599.html

4. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- TLMeImDrmn = Tell me I'm dreaming
- Chopping = Selling drugs. "Dan got caught up chopping yesterday."

5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro."~ Dave Barry

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

Hide and Go Seek

2008-09-11T08:52:00.000-04:00

Hide and Go Seek!

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Inside Your Teen's World
4. Learn Their Lingo
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

===========our sponsor===========PLANET WISDOM TOUR
Be sure to check out the Planet Wisdom Tour. You can request info, including a free DVD, here:http://www.planetwisdom.com/tour
===========our sponsor===========THE ADVENTURE OF CHILDLIKE FAITH
Michael Yaconelli invites you to recapture the joy of being a child and apply it to your relationship with God. You'll be encouraged to ask difficult questions about faith and take Jesus at His word when He says, "Anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
Learn more and purchase "Dangerous Wonder" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=317
*Save 30% off the retail price of "Dangerous Wonder" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNSP2. This offer expires 9/17/08.
================================

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
This week is all about being the family that plays together--and in doing so, finding the way to navigate challenging times.
A PLAYFUL RESPONSE
Instead of Christians wearing sackcloth and ashes at the condition of our world, maybe we should strike up a game of capture the flag in our neighborhood. Our neighbors may need Jesus, but first they need a rousing evening of charades. Certainly our children need discipline, but what they may need more is a family Ping-Pong championship. What if our strategy to win the world was to "play" people into the kingdom of God? What if we invited people over to our home and, instead of telling them about our joy, lived it by playing with them? What if we could hear laughter in a church as well as "amens"? A friend of mine is a member of a church who toyed with making their motto "The Church That Knows How to Play." I think he's onto something.
What if the family became a place that played together as well as prayed together?
Seventeen years is a long time to know someone, and Ron's parents thought they knew him. What had happened during the previous summer, though Ron's parents had no idea. All they knew was that when school began, their "normal", straight-A son had become a "punker." Black was the only color he would wear--a black Metallica T-shirt, black pants, black motorcycle boots--and with his earring-adorned, shaved head (seven earrings total) and his nonstop obsession with heavy metal music, the seventeen-year-old Ron showed very little resemblance to the sixteen-year-old version. Mom and Dad were worried. Home had become a war zone. Each day when they came home from work they'd have to storm downstairs to Ron's locked bedroom where the music was so loud the walls were shaking. They would bang on the door and loudly ask Ron to turn down the music.
After six months of escalating tension, Ron's parents decided to get counseling before they lost their child. Many issues came to the surface and the process went on for many months, but one of the solutions the counselor suggested sounded so bizarre they were reluctant to try it. "When you both get home tonight," he advised, "go down to your son's room, bang on the door, and when he answers tell him to turn his music off and come upstairs because you both want to talk to him. When he finally saunters into the room with a chip on his shoulder and slumps into the kitchen chair with an attitude, look him square in the eyes and say, "Ron, you mother and I are counting to one hundred. Now go hide."
When you love your son like these parents did, desperation combined with love will motivate you to try anything--even play. And one night that is what they did. Can you imagine the look on Ron's face? Can you imagine what Ron said to his friends the next day? "You guys are never going to guess what happened last night. I played hide-and-seek with my parents until three in the morning. I still can't find them." Ron didn't become a Republican or start listening to country and western music, but when his parents played hide-and-seek with him, they did break through the longstanding tension and began the long process of healing.
A family I know was facing a very difficult financial crisis. Finances were so bad that the parents were on the verge of losing their business and, with Christmas coming, things were looking very bleak. Providing enough food and clothes for the family was difficult, and Christmas gifts were out of the question. Mom and Dad decided to tell their five children the truth about their situation. They would not be able to afford Christmas presents this year, and they requested help in deciding what to do about it. The children responded excitedly, "Let's have a coupon Christmas. Instead of giving each other presents that cost money, let's give each other coupons worth some kind of service." And that year each person in the family received a book of coupons with the following gifts:
From the kids to one another:
- When you don't want to do the dishes, present this coupon and I will do the dishes for you without complaining.* *Good ONE time only.
- Behind on your laundry? No problem. Present this coupon to me and I will gladly do your laundry.* *Good ONE time only.
And from the parents:
- Anti-grounding certificate. Keep this until Mom and I have forgotten we gave it to you. When you are grounded for whatever reason, present this coupon and you will be forgiven the grounding.* *Definitely good ONE time only.
Every member of the family unequivocally states to this day that the best Christmas they ever had was the "Coupon Christmas."
In this family's playfulness, they discovered that god was hiding in the "poverty" of their financial situation.
**
Mike Yaconelli spent 43 years of his life in ministry to youth workers and students, and 20 years as the pastor of a small church in Yreka, California. He wrote dozens of books and articles for youth ministry, as well as the books "Dangerous Wonder" and "Messy Spirituality," which are aimed at mainstream Christianity. He was the co-founder of Youth Specialties, an international organization devoted to equipping youth workers through training and resources. Mike was a prophetic voice in the church-at-large and was a devoted husband and father until his death in 2003. He is still widely regarded as both the visionary founder and the chief critic of modern-day youth ministry.
Learn more and purchase "Dangerous Wonder" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=317
*Save 30% off the retail price of "Dangerous Wonder" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNSP2. This offer expires 9/17/08.
**
2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Minnesota debates raising the driving age to 18. [Minn Star Tribune]http://www.startribune.com/local/28036944.html?elr=KArks7PYDiaK7DUHPYDiaK7DUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUU
High profile teen pregnancies offer teachable moment on teen sex [Detroit Free Press]http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2008809090313

3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD...Random things you may not have heard about...
Hooking Up - New HBO Series subtitled: You don't learn everything in class.http://www.hbolab.com/

4. LEARN THEIR LINGO...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Deface: To remove a ‘friendship’ from Facebook due to having either accidentally adding him/her as a friend or actually adding them and reconsidering later.
- 4yeo: Text messaging “for your eyes only”
5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."~Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

*All outside Internet links are here to inform or entertain you...we at YS don't necessarily endorse or support every link you find here.
copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties300 S. Pierce St. El Cajon, CA 92020 888.346.4179

"D" word: Discipline

2008-08-28T15:38:00.000-04:00

CONTENTS
1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Links to Learn From
3. Inside Your Teen's World
4. Learn Their Lingo
5. A Little Encouragement...And Humor

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
This week is all about the "D" word: Discipline. Together, you and your youth pastor (and any other adults involved in the life of your teen) are working to help your "child" move towards a healthy adulthood, and discipline is a big part of that growth. This excerpt from "When Church Kids Go Bad" (and they do!), will give you a look at two sides of discipline.

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE VS. NEGATIVE DISCIPLINE

Discipline that focuses primarily on punishment as a way to get a young person to behave properly is what's often called "negative discipline." A negative disciplinarian threatens, frightens, snarls, growls, bristles, and becomes just plain nasty in order to persuade young people to behave. Even if this kind of external pressure gets immediate results, when the pressure lets up, so does the person's response. Negative discipline usually backfires.

Negative discipline can destroy a young person's sense of being loved and wanted. It can leave him feeling insecure and worthless. Negative discipline implies getting even, retaliation, vengeance, and exacting a penalty. Of course, all these dangers are increased whenever negative discipline is cruel, unreasonably severe, or prolonged.

Guilt is another common motivator in negative discipline. But using guilt to get your teen to do something is destructive. Guilt is a tremendously difficult feeling to carry around inside. And even if your young person does change her behavior because she feels guilty, she will resent it; that resentment, coupled with feelings of guilt, can produce intense feelings of anger.

Negative discipline can help control some behavior by establishing an avoidance response. But negative discipline alone never teaches young people to be responsible, motivated, and cooperative. Any improved behavior due to negative discipline simply means the young person has realized that, in this situation, the cost of negative discipline outweighs the benefits of misbehaving. The young person may change the way she behaves, but not change the way she wants to behave.

I've heard that you can train fleas. Apparently, if you throw some fleas in a jar and put the lid back on, for a few minutes you will hear a popping noise. The fleas will jump from the bottom to the top, and their little bodies will crash against the lid for a few minutes. Eventually, they will get wise and won't jump as high--they'll jump to a height just beneath the lid. (After a while, even a flea realizes hitting its head on the lid isn't much fun). After a few hours of this, you can unscrew the lid, and the fleas won't jump out. They have the ability to jump higher than the top of the jar. But something tells them if they jump too high there will be pain. In the same way, negative discipline may make a teenager behave the way you want him or her to just to avoid pain. But inside, nothing has changed.

The problem with negative discipline is that it's effective only as long as the threat hangs over an individual's head. Negative discipline does not teach the long-term benefits of changing behavior. When the threat of negative discipline has been removed, people are likely to resume their inappropriate behavior again. Consider how people tend to drive when they know a police officer is sitting beside the freeway with a radar gun. As long as that police car is visible, most people will carefully stay within the speed limit. But some of those same people are willing to drive at unsafe speeds if the police aren't visible and they think they can get away with it. Negative discipline procedures make the adult youth leader a police officer in the youth group.

Negative discipline may curb some unacceptable behavior. But negative discipline in itself does not teach or motivate a young person toward more desirable behavior. It tells a young person what not to do--it doesn't tell him what to do. Consider our prison system. If punishment were effective in teaching people better behavior, then nearly anyone released from prison after several years of incarceration would go straight from then on. But a recent study showed that more than two-thirds of released prisoners were arrested again within three years. Of course, there are all kinds of reasons why someone who has been imprisoned is more likely to end up there again. But that doesn't change the basic fact that imprisonment merely keeps a person off the street for a period of time; it does very little to encourage rehabilitation or true changes in thinking and behavior.

On the other hand, positive discipline involves a combination of encouragement, consistency, fairness, and high expectations to train young people. A positive disciplinarian uses words, deeds, or circumstances to develop maturity in the young person--which is the ultimate goal of youth ministry. (See Colossians 1:28.) Our task is to prepare, disciple, and train young people to serve God with their lives, to bring them to maturity, wholeness, and completeness in Christ. Through positive discipline, we develop mature young people who know themselves, accept themselves, and control themselves.

Positive discipline is more an attitude and atmosphere than an action. It is a tool, not a weapon. It is an expression of love, not anger. Discipline in the true biblical sense is positive and encouraging--in fact, it's even proof of love. The remainder of this book is dedicated to helping you become a positive disciplinarian...

Too Little Discipline or Too Much?

Some adults believe it's a mistake to teach young people self-control. They believe it's best to stand back and allow teenagers to find their own paths and make their own mistakes, rather than offering them firm guidance. While I disagree with this type of thinking, I understand what motivates it. Young people need to express their independence, but our attempts to control and micromanage every moment of their lives really can make things worse. Too many rules and get-tough leaders off end kids and run them off.

However, the hands-off, anything-goes approach is equally disruptive. A teacher who has a laissez-faire approach loses kids. When the kids who've left the group are asked why, they often say they've stopped attending because the class was so wild and chaotic. Not all kids care for the loud, obnoxious behavior of their peers. Chaos might be fun for a few minutes, but not forever. Kids want order for the security and safety it gives them.

This hands-off style is common among adult youth leaders who fear they'll lose the kids' friendship if they react any other way. But the anything-goes approach carries a number of negative attributes. Think about what happens when a leader doesn't seem to notice or care about the disruptive noise from the group:

- It teaches kids it's okay to talk when someone else is speaking.

- It offends the kids who want to listen but can't because of the noise.

- It says: "This is competition. May the loudest or longest talker win."

If we want an environment that attracts kids and encourages good behavior, we have to fall somewhere between the two extremes. We're not called to be watchdogs, drill sergeants, or undercover cops, but we're not called to roll over and play dead, either. We don't need to be authoritarian, but we do have to be authoritative. We can't be permissive, but we have to be sensitive to everyone's needs. Kids need a comfortable environment free of excessive control, but some control must remain.

Some Dos and Don'ts of Discipline

Fair and reasonable discipline is like a fence that provides protection and defines limits, demonstrating both care and concern. Like a good fence, our discipline needs to be strong enough to do the job for which it was intended, but flexible enough to account for unexpected situations and different kinds of kids. (Don't forget that some young people require more discipline than others--that's just the way teens are.)

To be an effective youth leader / fence builder, here are a few "dos and don'ts" to keep in mind:

- Do make sure youth group members know where the fence is. Kids need to know where the boundaries are. As long as they stay within the defined boundaries, discipline is not necessary.

- Don't make your fence so wide that young people can do virtually anything they want and still be within the boundaries.

- Don't build the fence so tight that there is no room for the youth group members to breathe or so close that it stifles creativity. Trying to maintain a tight fence that is suffocating requires almost constant vigilance and often leads to constant discipline situations.

- Do make sure your fence boundaries are appropriate for the age and temperament of your group members. Limits should be redefined as young people mature.

I don't know of any young person who doesn't want to know where the boundaries are. There is security in knowing the limits. Young people don't want to have the boundaries hammered on the door of their youth room like Luther's 95 theses. They don't want to hear the rules recited every morning when they awaken. But they do want to know that there are rules and that they will be enforced.

Giving a young person complete freedom and license is recognized today for what it is--a grave mistake. It places too much responsibility on young shoulders that are not yet ready to carry that burden. The weight of responsibility can be crushing. But too much discipline can have a very similar effect, giving the young person a feeling of failure. Again, the burden is too heavy to bear.

**
Les Christie has spent more than forty years in youth ministry, including more than twenty years in the same church. An energetic speaker, Les also chairs the youth ministry department at William Jessup University. He's the author of more than a dozen books and lives in California with his wife, Gretchen, where he no longer has to discipline his two grown sons, Brent and David.

Learn more about and purchase the book, "When Church Kids Go Bad" here:
http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=431

*Save 30% off the retail price of "When Church Kids Go Bad" when you use Coupon Code YPNAG4 and order by 9/10/08.

**

2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Lower Drinking Age is Criticized (copy and paste links)
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/20/AR2008082003626.html?hpid=topnews

What Are People Actually Doing on the Web? (copy and paste links)
http://www.forbes.com/entrepreneurstechnology/2008/08/20/google-yahoo-microsoft-ent-tech-cx_ml_0820wheregoweb.html

3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD
...Random things you may not have heard about...
Is Generation Y Going Deaf? (copy and paste link)
http://news.cnet.com/8301-13645_3-10021362-47.html

Comic Book Heroes Soaring to Video Games (copy and paste link)
http://www.usatoday.com/tech/columnist/marcsaltzman/2008-08-21-comic-book-video-games_N.htm

4. LEARN THEIR LINGO
...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)

- CUNS = See You In School (An acronym or text message used in online chat, IM, e-mail, blogs, or newsgroup postings.)

- ROFL = Rolling On Floor Laughing (An acronym or text message used in online chat, IM, e-mail, blogs, or newsgroup postings.)

5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"He who teaches children learns more than they do."
~ German Proverb

*All outside Internet links are here to inform or entertain you...we at YS don't necessarily endorse or support every link you find here.

===========our sponsor=========== IT'S A DIRTY WORD...BUT SOMEBODY'S GOT TO DO IT! In this practical book, youth ministry veteran Les Christie will help you take a positive approach to discipline when it becomes necessary. "When Church Kids Go Bad" will: - reveal the reasons behind problem behavior and show you how to take a positive approach to discipline - teach you how to use rules and consequences effectively - help you evaluate your strengths and weaknesses in discipline situations (and improve your areas of weakness) - give you dozens of specific, practical, helpful ideas you can use immediately with your students Learn more about and purchase the book, "When Church Kids Go Bad" here: http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=431 *Save 30% off the retail price of "When Church Kids Go Bad" when you use Coupon Code YPNAG4 and order by 9/10/08. =================================

copyright 2008 :: Youth Specialties
300 S. Pierce St.
El Cajon, CA 92020
888.346.4179